Boy of a million poops

Mateo has a poop routine, and like most people, he needs to have a good poop in the morning. This usually happens after his 4 or 5 am feeding. So this morning was like all the others, and he had his usual poop explosion after spending a minute or two farting up a storm.

I took him into his room to change his diaper. When I took off his sleep sack and unsnapped his onesie, I realized the poo went all the way up his back, all over the back of his onesie and soaked into the sleep sack.

Okay, I thought. Gotta get a plan. So I wiped up his bottom and his back, kept holding his legs in the air while I manoeuvred the onesie off of him enough so I could lay him down again. I took a look at what was going on downstairs since I'm always on the lookout for peeing, and that was exactly what he was starting to do. I grabbed what I thought was the cloth I keep handy for such occasions, but it ended up being the burp cloth I was using for today. I kept it there and let it soak up the pee.

After a good wipe down, I got him changed into footed pj's. I stuck him in his crib so I could go and spray his soiled onesie and the sleep sack. He was having a grand time watching his mobile, while I was taking care of his clothes. I decided to just wash his soiled clothes and went back into his room to grab more light blue clothes for the wash. I had left his door open, and both Sophia and Zoe were in his room.

I got the items for washing together and put them to wash. I went back into Mateo's room to find Zoe eating cat puke. Sophia was a few feet away looking perturbed, and Zoe was chowing down.

Great, I thought.

I grabbed Zoe, walked into the kitchen to get some paper towels, went back into Mateo's room, dropped Zoe and cleaned up the cat puke. I left to throw it away and when I came back, Zoe was licking the rug where the puke was. I shooed her out of the room, grabbed the rug cleaner and a towel, and cleaned up the puke spot.

All this happened while my husband was in the shower. When he got out of the shower, Mateo and I were in our bed, like nothing happened during that last 15 minutes.

"He dirtied his clothes?" my husband asked.

Um, yeah. You could say that.

Zoe's got an internet obsession.

And then she promptly ripped off my number nine key from my laptop keyboard and I can't figure out how to get it back on. Anyone got some glue?

Okay, so it's 12pm....

I can't wait to see what else happens to me today. Today is just not my day at all. The events so far:

1. As I was taking Mateo into his room to change him, he had a major spit-up incident, most of which landed on my shirt, neck, chest and somehow on my bra. So much for lugging around a burp cloth all the time.

2. My iTunes or iPod keeps stopping and freezing up my whole computer. This usually happens when I'm in the middle of something and I really want to finish whatever it is.

3. Mateo had a few flip-outs, which is normally fine and good and dandy and not a big deal, but I have a Safeway delivery scheduled from 11am to 3pm, so I had to be in an okay state for when the guy showed up. As it got closer and closer to 11am, I got more and more worried I wasn't going to get my hair washed.

4. Zoe, being the ultra jealous cat that she is, is driving me absolutely nuts by jumping onto the kitchen counter, getting into the dishwasher, running around screaming her head off as she bouncing herself against the sliding glass door or bedroom closet mirrors and basically just getting in the way and demanding attention no matter what. I usually can deal with her, but today I wanted to kill her. Right now she's on top of the cable box in our bedroom, which is on top of the DVD player, which is on top of the TV. I'm waiting for everything to fall, including her, and then I'll probably start crying.

5. When putting my contacts in, I dropped my left contact in the sink. Again, another thing that wouldn't be such a big deal, but since the sink was full of soapy water that was still draining, I at first couldn't find it. When I did and it was on my finger tip, I immediately dropped it again into the sink. This time I had to wait some time before I could see it. I decided it probably wasn't the smartest thing to put the contact in my eye at this point, no matter how long I rinsed it off with water and contact lens cleaner, since I'm sure the soapy residue wouldn't be totally removed quickly and my left eye would scream out in pain as soon as I stuck it in my eye. Out went the right contact and back on went the glasses.

6. For whatever reason, no matter what the weather is like outside, I'm still one overheated momma. I was wearing jean capris, but they were getting too hot, so I put on my linen capris. For some dumb reason, my linen capris come with really long ties at the waist. So if you tie the ties into a bow, the bow will push out your shirt and make you look silly. I tuck the long ties inside the capris instead. I used the bathroom (uh huh, you can see where this is going), and as I stood up to pull up my capris, one tie fell out from inside fell promptly into the toilet, which was still full of my pee. Off goes the capris. On go another pair of thin capris.

So it's noon, and I'm sure this isn't the end of stupid things that will happen to me. The Safeway guy has yet to show up, Zoe has yet to break something or break herself, and I haven't made dinner yet, which will require using the oven. I guess as long as Mateo is okay, all is well. I will persevere. I will get through the rest of the day without a burn, cut or crying.

Montell

I like Montel Williams. He has interesting shows and there isn't a lot of hoopla and fighting and yelling and all that nonsense oh, say, Maury has on his shows. Now that I've been home for 9 weeks, I've seen a lot of Montel. And I have one question: Why does he have to tear up and cry so much?

It's kinda embarrassing.