Friday, September 16, 2005

Eyeballing me

Almost every time I go home, there is a man on the train the always sits in the middle area of my car. I never notice when he gets on. He listens to music all during his trip. He seems fairly normal -- a little geeky, perhaps, but fairly normal. (I convinced myself yesterday for about 2 minutes that he was a manager at the store my husband works at because the manager is super geek and sometimes has to take BART to work because his fancy blue mustang has croaked. What makes it fancy? Why, the blue rims! He's pimping big time. And he has an affinity for bad 80's metal music. And I got stuck talking to him at a party one time -- not a good scene because that guy was awkward and made me awkward by just being around him.) He dresses casually, has bad 80's metal hair and is baggy in the butt (he usually gets off before me and I walk behind him. I'm not a pervert!).

Last week I fell asleep going home, and I woke up around South Hayward or Union City. I try to sit at the back of the car because there seems to be more free seats there than in the middle. So I basically face this guy and he faces me. I looked out the window and then slowly glanced around to the left side. That was when I caught him (I'll now deem him Mr. Creepy).

Mr. Creepy was staring at me.

See, my car is usually filled to capacity in SF, and by the time we get to Fremont, there are about 10 people in the car. In other words, it's not very full, so when come Mr. Creepy is staring at you, you'll notice it pretty quick.

Maybe it's because I to am listening to music. Or that I look funny while sleeping. I don't really know. I've never in my life been called "pretty" (I'm only "cute"), so I don't think he's staring at me because he thinks I'm hot. Hot is not me. I've very cold. Ask my husband who sometimes deems me the "Bag Lady" because I tend to throw on a lot of mismatched clothes if I'm not leaving the house and it's cold outside.

Needless to say, I looked away and never looked back again. I've caught him in the past, but I just let it go. But last week was just too weird for me because it was the first time I realized that he has stared at me before. It's when I really noticed him.

Yesterday I fell asleep and woke up pretty much at the same time as the last eyeballing incident. I looked out the window, looked at my iPod and then looked up.

You guessed it. Mr. Creepy was staring at me again. His eyes were opened wide and pupils looked small. Like he was staring off into space for an extended period of time. Or staring at me for an extended period of time...when I was sleeping.

I worry about that -- that while I'm sleeping some weirdo is making up strange fantasies about me (again, I'm not hot, I do not think of myself as being hot, all I have going for me is cuteness and being female) or planning to punch me while I'm sleeping or something that I don't want to imagine, but I am, so you need to stretch your imagination out too because I'm not going to help you. I'm really vulnerable when I sleep. But yet, even knowing this, I still sleep. I can't help it. I get tired and I just fall asleep.

One time when I was sleeping and sitting on the side handicap bench, a man reached over and caressed my hair. Now, I do have nice hair most of the time. It's all shiny and baby fine and the boys love it. Even with the straggley greys hairs I'm growing, I still look like I'm 21 and innocent. Well, I'm not 21 and I'm definitely not innocent.

I opened an eye and told him, "Do not ever touch me again."

"Oh! I thought this was your stop, honey, and you were going to miss it," he told me.

We were in Hayward. How the heck would this guy deduce that I get off at Hayward let alone any other stop?

I was pretty mad that day. It was almost worse than physical harm. And you sure do feel stupid after something like that happens. That's victim's guilt for you.

I picture Mr. Creepy to be this way. A guy that would stare at you, and then try at some point to do something really creepy -- like the hair thing.

I know me, and now I'm always going to be looking around to 1. see if he's on the train and 2. if he's eyeballing me. All the other times when I caught him, it was by accident. If I start purposely looking at him, that makes me Miss Creepy, now doesn't it?

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