Sunday, October 09, 2005


"We" means "you."

For example, last night while my husband and I were eating dinner, my husband asked me, "Do we order a credit report for ourselves yearly?" When we sit at the dinner table, I can't see the TV, but he can. I tend to block out the TV noise while he watches it, so I could only guessed that an identity fraud commercial was just on because this is not something he would come up with on his own.

I looked at him and said, "Um, well, we do not order a credit report yearly, I order a credit report yearly for each of us. There is no "we" here, just I."

He got his usually "you caught me" smile on his face.

Using "we" in my relationship usually means me. "We need to clean the condo, it's a mess" translates to "I will clean the condo when I can even though I have a million other "we" things to do, and you just sit there and watch TV," or "Are we hungry?" translates to "I'm hungry but don't want to say that because you may get mad at me. And by the way, I expect you to make the food."

And I just realized lately that when there are things "we" need to think about and possible research and then setup (like "we" want to try acupuncture for pain), then I can say, "when you research it, then tell me all about it." Which translates to "I know you won't do a thing about it, and I don't have the time to figure it out because I've got a long list of other "we" things I need to think about and take care of," and I get out of having to think about it until I have the time.

The term "we" is such a tricky thing. Like, we need to change the thing in the toilet tank that controls the water flow. I announced yesterday that I was going to try to change it because the water wasn't flowing well again, but I was told to wait. We bought the replacement in May or June, by the way, and I'm not sure how much longer we should wait or what we're even waiting for.

And we need to wash the comforter because Zoe peed on it 3 weeks ago. It's been living in our bathtub since the incident because I said I would go wash it at a laundry mat, and I was told I didn't have to -- so yesterday I announced that "we" would do it next week no matter what because I didn't spend 80 bucks on a comforter to watch it live in the bathtub for the rest of its life.

See, in the first case, "we" need to change the toilet tank thing, yet, "we" have never even attempted to do it. Then here I come, and I decide to try to change it. I was told to wait. "We" aren't ready to do it yet, or we're waiting for another mysterious "we" to come over and do it, or we're waiting for the tank to completely stop filling up with water before "we" decide to do anything, or we're waiting for our first year anniversary of buying the condo (April 29th). This is when "we" goes bad.

In the second case, I made a decision that "we" would finally take care of something that needs to be taken care of. I've given us a week to plan and prepare. We will do this. We will do this next weekend. "We" in this case is really my husband. And it will get done because I'm fully embracing our "we-ness," and, well, I want it done. This is when "we" is a good thing.

Speaking of "we," I wonder what "we" will do for dinner tonight because I don't feel like cooking.

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