Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Passport - check!

Last Saturday we got our passports taken care of - now we just wait for their arrival. Included with the passport fun was the passport photo fun.

As I've already said many times to people, I am not the most photogenic person out there. I usually look mad or like I'm drunk or on drugs. You can already tell where this is going, can't you?

I didn't bring checks with me, and you have to pay in check, cash or money order for part of the fees. So my hubby went back out into the madness known as the post office (it was very busy because of taxes) to buy money orders. While he was gone, the passport lady decided I should get my picture taken.

Now I know I should always have someone who knows me in the room with me while I'm getting my photo taken. Because having someone who doesn't know you does no good at all. NONE!!

I've been lazy lately and have let my bangs grow a bit longer than they should. When they get long, they tend to stick together in what looks like greasy strands, although they are not greasy (gosh darn forbid I would let that happen to my fabulous long locks). And when I'm outside and the wind is blowing a bit, my long hair goes wacky and gets all knotty. I'm not one of them girls that has long, straight hair that stays put. Mine is too thin for that.

I should have taken out the old hair brush and given my hair a once over, or, at the very least, looked at myself in my tiny little compact mirror. But no, I didn't not.

When the passport lady told me to go stand against the white pull-down shade for my picture. I did. And that was when I really realized how much taller I was to her. She was pretty short. So, in order to compensate for me being taller than her (and believe me, this is quite the feat when I am taller than anyone), she had to hold the camera up higher than normal. Which then caused me to look up a bit more than I would have if she was my height.

Oh yes, I blame this all on her, you see.

Snap, there goes the picture. I had my usual stoic face on, the one where my husband says I look mad, but I think I look normal. She didn't tell me to smile. I didn't think I should smile. Traveling is serious business, don't you know? You don't want your passport picture looking like you're not taking your duties as a US citizen seriously.

She told me to sit down.

While I was doing that, I had this feeling that my picture was going to look really lame. Somehow -- either the hair, or my double chin, or the fact that I didn't smile would make me look like a dork.

Since it was taking a long time for my hubby to come back with the money orders, the passport lady had time to flutter around the room, leave, come back, drink some coffee, all the while the photo was being developed (instant camera, oh ye of little kindness).

When it was finish, she thought it would be a grand idea to show it to me.

"Here's your picture," she said.

My heart dropped. How the heck am I going to live this one down? As soon as my hubby sees this, I'm in trouble. And I HAVE to show this to people in order to get anywhere! So not fair. If I had thought about it, I would have tried to take my own picture instead of having the post office do it, where one only gets one shot, unless one's eyes are closed, I guess.

And my eyes were definitely open. Open so much that I looked like someone had just stuck a pencil up my butt or something. I looked scared. Freaked out. A little...crazy. My bangs were stuck together and looking nice and greasy, and my head was tilted up like I was seeing something no one else could see.

What could I say?

Well, I said this: "That is one terrible picture!!"

And you know what the passport lady did? She laughed. Laughed, I tell you. You know they love it when someone takes a really awful picture. It's their way of sticking it to all the evil customers they get (and I am not one of them -- I would be if I was at the SF post office where I still get talked to like am an idiot for some reason they just come up with out of the blue).

My hubby finally came back in, and I immediately told him that my picture didn't turn out so well.

"Oh really?" he said.

Oh yes, really.

The passport lady took his picture, and as soon as he started smiling, I got mad. Why didn't I do that?! Well, when I do, 9 times of out 10, that's when I look like a schmoo. That's why I didn't.

While his photo was developing, she decided it would be a grand idea to show my husband my photo. I won't go into details about the conversation that ensued, but let's just say I was made fun of. Repeatedly. Enough so that the passport lady started laughing her head off because of my picture.

Luckily I don't get embarrassed that easily, especially when it comes to my photos because as I've said a million times and once already in this post, I am not photogenic.

"Well, everyone who has to look at my passport while I'm traveling can have a good laugh!" I said. That just made the passport lady laugh even more.

The crazy/ugly stick really wapped me on the head that day.

Too bad I don't want to share my identity on my blog. Everyone could get a good laugh too.

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