Thursday, October 11, 2007

Don't make fun of me when I'm secretly wearing my full panel maternity jeans.

I have an issue with pants. I really don't have any that I like to wear, that are comfortable, that fit sorta okay if not perfectly. I went out and bought some capris a few months ago, one of them being a pair of levis capris that never fit me and were too big, but they were comfortable, so I kept wearing them. In fact, I wore them so much, that yesterday, when I grabbed them to put on, I realized the butt was so worn out that there were a couple of big holes. And therefore, I was forced to retire them to the garbage. The butt material was so thin that it was bound to happen. The only problem with it happening yesterday was that I needed to wear comfortable clothes because of something I had to do at work. And I had no other jeans or loose pants I could wear. I was going to be sweaty and dusty and dirty, and so I didn't want to wear my dressy capris and get them all funked up. What to do, what to do, I thought.

Ah, yes. I still have all my maternity clothes!

So I grabbed my full panel dark denim Gap jeans -- the only long pair of jeans I can wear at the moment due to too many lumps and bumps -- and I put them on. They actually fit quite nicely in the legs, and of course, with the full panel of elastic forgiveness around my belly, they fit there as well. With a long tshirt and hoody, I was good to go. Now one would ever know that I was wearing maternity pants.

Unfortunately, I didn't realize that wearing full panel maternity pants and underwear that actually fits correctly (yes, I still dabble in the maternity underwear as well -- why spend the money when I have a drawer full of perfectly good underwear that are a size two or three smaller than I actually am and will some day fit into again?) would cause my underwear to keep rolling down as the pants started to slip down. See, I'm not pregnant and do not have a big, round belly to keep the full panel up. I ended up spending most of my day, as I was moving boxes around and delivering things to people, yanking up my pants and trying to unroll my underwear top so I would feel sort of comfortable.

And, because I have no more humility left in me, I of course told my boss about it because it is, in fact, quite funny that I'm wearing my full panel maternity pants when I'm no longer pregnant.

Later on in the day, when I was really starting to feel annoyed with having to yank up my pants all the time, I took a walk over to the other side of the floor to give my husband the keys to one of our cars. As I was walking back down the aisle, a co-worker was walking towards me, and he started waddling like a pregnant lady. I could only assume he was doing that because that's how I looked going down the aisle. And this made me shocked and very sad. Especially since I was secretly wearing my full panel maternity jeans.

So I informed him, "If that's really how I look, then I need to go get a gym membership after work."

He, being a male, even if he is gay, didn't get my point and just started talking about random stuff. The whole while, I was thinking, man, I'm so sad. Soooo sad. Now I wish I wasn't wearing my full panel maternity jeans.

With that said, I'm going back on the wagon. I informed my husband I was going to eat only fruit and veggies. And that I need to buy long pants this weekend. Preferably without a panel.

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