(Men - run!)
I had a doctor's appointment today because I've been suffering from some *ahem* feminine itching. Yes, yes, I attempted to reconcile the situation myself, however, it didn't work and it confused me greatly, so off to the doctor I went.
After asking me fifty times when I was going to have another baby, my doctor prescribed me some anti-fungal cream to kill the yeast.
I went to the pharmacy to pick up my cream, was told I needed to be counseled on the medicine, so I sat and waited.
After a bit, a huge man came out from the back and called my name.
I went up to the counter.
He looked at me and asked, "what's your last name?"
Ah, Kaiser, invoking trick questions! Love it.
I told him.
He looked at the label on the boxes of cream and then said rather confusedly, "so this is for you?"
I had to fess up, so I said yes, yes it is. I am yeasty.
He exhaled air, as if he was gearing up for some long speech.
"Okay. This medicine is for YEAST!!! This is an ANTI-FUNGAL cream!!!!"
Are you serious, I thought. Are you really going to talk so f-ing loud so everyone in the pharmacy will know I have a yeast infection, presumably in my nether regions?
"So, you use this CREAM two times a day, once at night and once in the morning. And even if the ITCHING STOPS, you should still use the CREAM!!!! YEAST LOVE WARM, MOIST PLACES, THEY THRIVE ON IT!!!!!!"
Okay, you are serious, I thought. You're really going to do this. Okay then. Fine. I'll stand here and wait because you must be close to finishing your rant about yeast and warm moist places.
"Use the cream for TWO WEEKS!!!! You can use it LONGER TOO, if you want! Just APPLY THE CREAM THINLY OVER THE AREA!!!!!!"
"Okay," I managed to say as I grabbed the package. I looked around to see if anyone cared about my yeast infection issues, but luckily the pharmacy was pretty dead. One guy was on his cell phone, the cashiers have heard it all, and since it was a kids pharmacy, there were some moms with their kids, and I know the moms have experienced the fun known as a yeast infection before.