Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The one where the voting gods try to hold me back.

First, I never got re-registered where I live now; I took care of that.

Second, I managed to remain an absentee ballot voter; I was very pleased.

Third, I lost said absentee ballot; I was very sad. Here I shall begin interjecting thoughts since I covered 1 and 2 already in past posts.

I tend to leave things lying around, and Mateo tends to find them and rip them to shreds, if such thing happens to be paper. He got hold of my absentee ballot, so I took it, along with the envelope to mail it in plus the envelope it came in plus the instructions, and put them all on our breakfast bar ledge.

The day I decided to begin filling out my ballot, I couldn't find it. I looked everywhere, but everything except the ballot was still on the breakfast bar. I don't remember doing it, but I'm fairly certain I put it with a bunch of papers to be recycled.

Last night I couldn't find my sample ballot. I figured the voting gods were against me again, and then I remembered I had left it on our headboard (another spot I have piles sitting on, making them perfect ammo for our heads when the cats want someone up with them at 2AM). Yes, you cannot, simply cannot, hold this gal back.

Fourth. After waiting in a line for about 20 minutes or so, I finally got into the room to vote. At the first checkpoint, I was told my name wasn't on the list of people although my husband's name was. I had my addressed to me sample ballot with me, so I was like, "Okaaaayyyy...," and a tad annoyed because I just stood in line for 20 minutes and read a posting about how registered voters cannot be denied the right to vote and this and that, and what the hey, you better let me vote because all you volunteers on this side of the room look brittle, and I can take you down!

The lady told me to go to the second checkpoint to see if I was on that list. I was.

Oh, clever voting gods, you shall not stop me!

Then the lady manning that book of names said, "Oh...you're an absentee voter....," like what the hell are you doing here because if you're an absentee voter, that means you voted already and shouldn't be standing in line, and hey, hey now, stop shooting death rays at me!

"I lost my ballot," I said. I didn't think my whole story about Mateo being grabby and destroying me stuff would really be of interest to them, nor would a cleverly stated, "I misplaced it in the recycling bin," go over very well.

"You. lost. your. ballot.," she said.

"Yes," I replied.

The lady helping her got flustered and stammered, "You're going to need to give her a provisional ballot."

The lady manning the book told me, "You're going to need to fill out a provisional ballot. You can't sign the book. You need to put it in an envelope and give it to him." She pointed to some guy at the end of the table. She told me to see the provisional ballot lady.

"Okay," I said.

So I stepped to the left to visit the lady manning the provisional ballots. She handed me my receipt, ballot and envelope.

"You need to put it in the envelope," she told me like she was telling me I was the sole carrier of the meaning of life. "Put it in the envelope and give it to him," she said.

"Okay," I said.

"So....where do I do this?" I asked. Because as far as I knew, the flimsy booths were made for ballot casting with a poker thing, not using a pen.

"You use the booths," she told me, pointing to the row behind her.

"Okay," I said.

There were some pens on the table. "Can I use one of these?" I asked.

"Yes," she told me and then followed up with, "When you're done give it to him," again.

"Okay," I said.

Is it me or is this all playing out to be a bad movie where a bunch of darts shoot out and stab me in the chest as soon as I walk past him and enter the realm of the flimsy voter booths, hitting my heart and one of those arteries we all really need, killing me almost immediately, but before dying I let out a loud "DAMN THEE VOTER GODS!" while shaking my bloodied fist still clutching my provisional ballot in the air?

Oh, that's just me?

So I finally made it to the booth, it had a flat surface, I quickly voted, put my ballot into the envelope, sealed it, handed it to him, watched as it was ripped out of his hands by some lady who started lecturing him about something to do with provisional ballots, stood around for a bit because I didn't know if she was lecturing him about something I did or didn't do, asked if I was free to go (I mean, come on, how do I know I did everything okay? This is the gal who lost her ballot for poopsake!), and was handed a sticker stating "I voted."

Fifth. I win.

And so did Obama.


Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

Hiya! I saw your name - Nut Nut - over at Queen of Shake-Shake and I heart it so much I had to visit!

Glad you got to vote!!

Kmommy said...

LOL!! So glad you got to vote :) but sounds like such a hassle!