Tuesday, February 03, 2009

You don't take public transportation? Oh, well, live through me then.

Since I am working Monday through Wednesday in San Francisco this week while my co-worker is off celebrating her birthday, I had to make some slight adjustments to how our lives run during the first part of the week. I never realize how helpful it is to work at home every other day until I can't work at home every other day. It really puts a damper on things. And just imagine (gasp!), what if I couldn't work at home every other day and had to be a corporate office slug all week long who had to actually wear appropriate clothes and make sure her hair wasn't a huge mess? Gasp!

So Monday I decided to leave 15 minutes earlier than I normally do because I had to get food cooking in the oven and pretty much ready for when my husband came home so we could sit down and eat as a family, which is something we've been trying to do more often these days.

I stopped taking the 3:45 train (which means I would be leaving the office at 3:30) because it went from a 10-car train to a 5-car or 4-car train at some point, and well, that just doesn't float with me. I was desperately hoping that the train would be at least an 8-car train, so when I arrived at the train platform, I stood and waited until the sign announced my train's car length. Five cars. Darn it.

I got into the line nearest me and started watching video podcasts to pass the time. When my train arrived, I stood patiently and allowed the people getting off the train on my side to get off. Because what is the point of bum rushing the train and getting a whole mess of people mad at you just so you can sit your butt down on a seat?

Really? Oh, I didn't know that. Go figure.

There was one lady getting off the train, and as each person who should have been waiting tried to get over the threshold and on to the train, she would scream at them, "WAIT!!! WAIT FOR US TO GET OFF!!!" One lady who was particularly adamant about getting on the train and sitting down really got it - not only did the lady yell at her for not waiting, but she pushed her face into the other lady's face while saying it. She did the job, though; Most people waited after listening to her berate all those who were too foolish not to wait.

That adamant lady made a bee-line for the one open seat at the time but if she had waited, more would have been free because of all the people getting off the train who couldn't get off easily because of bum rushers who had to get on the train. It's an evil cycle that only proves how stupid we humans truly are.

I managed to get a seat (and I had waited to get on the train, thank you very much); however the seat smelled like year old body odor, so I wasn't as pleased as I normally would have been with getting a seat on BART when it was a cattle car. I kept telling myself that my brain would tell my nose that it wasn't smelling a darn thing after five or so minutes and to just suck it up, but since I'm really particular about smells, it was hard for me to listen to myself.

People came and went, but the train wasn't much less of a cattle car until towards the end of the line - my stop. There were people standing in the area where I was sitting, and I had someone sitting next to me at all times.

About halfway through the train ride, a man got on and stood right in the center aisle where the doors are. I only noticed him because he had his legs spread pretty far apart and he was tall and lanky.

As I was watching my podcasts on my iPod, a pungent and stinky smell of a fart hit my nose as I breathed in.

Okay. I just hope it was the one time, I thought.

I breathed in again. More smell but much worse hit my nose.

Okay. I just hope the guy sitting next to me doesn't think it's me since the smell is coming from the other side of me, I thought.

I breathed in again. Even more smell. This time I wanted to gag because it was so bad.

Okay. This sucks, I thought. Should I just get up and walk to another train car?

I decided to sit even though I knew everyone in that area was suspecting everyone else. I was pretty sure it was the tall, lanky, must stand with legs wide apart guy because the smell came from his direction. But if you were sitting next to me, you'd think it was me because it was coming from my direction, which was really that other guy's direction.

And this is why public transportation sucks big monkey toes, especially when the train is only 5 cars and resembles a cattle car full of stanky people who pay no mind to what smells they emit.

Now aren't you glad you lived through me?

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