Who told men they can go back to the ponytail look?

This is a serious, serious issue. It started with one person - a guy who was "growing out" his hair. That, in itself, is silly. This is 2009, not the '70s, and no man should be "growing out" his hair.

Well, now that his hair has grown, but in no way is long, he has decided that he needs to pull back his luxurious, oftentimes greasy, locks into a ponytail. This is not your ordinary ponytail, nor is it a New Agey man ponytail (pulled to the base of the neck, many times just a few scraggly pieces), this is some stupid samurai looking, hair pulled from the sides and gathered in the back while the front is still floppy and there is a tuft hanging below the tail, ponytail. It's very much like Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai when he pulls his hair back (and, of course, I could not find a picture of him with his hair pulled back for demonstration purposes), but this guy is no Tom Cruise. Nor a samurai for that matter.

And the trend, unfortunately, has spread.

One day I was confronted by another guy, who is growing out his hair, but it's not even remotely as long as the first guy, and, if you remember, the first guy's hair isn't even long, with a teeny tiny tuft on the back of his head. He basically gathered what he could and wrapped a rubber band around it. This guy is an unfortunate victim of adult acne, hence our nickname for him - Pizza Face - so he looks like some toddler's twisted version of baby doll with chicken pox. And yes, I realize I'm 35 and calling people Pizza Face. I am a nickname fanatic - mean or nice - and 9 times out of 10, they stick.

And then today I turned around to find myself looking at yet another guy with his hair pulled back in a pouf of a ponytail. He has curlyish hair, so it looked like a French poodle's nicely shorn tail with the pouf adornment at the tip.

I have to assume this is some weird trend starting up. I thought it was a stupid kick to look like a samurai. But the third guy isn't the "I want to look like a samurai" type, so I'm not sure that explains it. I think all these guys think they look good with their tufts of ponytail.

So what I want to know is this: Who went and decided this is a good idea? Because all the ladies I talk to about this trend think it's a stupid idea. And you can only make so many jokes about a samurai's club before you realize these guys are serious. And that is simply frightening.

Okay, so it's 12pm....

I can't wait to see what else happens to me today. Today is just not my day at all. The events so far:

1. As I was taking Mateo into his room to change him, he had a major spit-up incident, most of which landed on my shirt, neck, chest and somehow on my bra. So much for lugging around a burp cloth all the time.

2. My iTunes or iPod keeps stopping and freezing up my whole computer. This usually happens when I'm in the middle of something and I really want to finish whatever it is.

3. Mateo had a few flip-outs, which is normally fine and good and dandy and not a big deal, but I have a Safeway delivery scheduled from 11am to 3pm, so I had to be in an okay state for when the guy showed up. As it got closer and closer to 11am, I got more and more worried I wasn't going to get my hair washed.

4. Zoe, being the ultra jealous cat that she is, is driving me absolutely nuts by jumping onto the kitchen counter, getting into the dishwasher, running around screaming her head off as she bouncing herself against the sliding glass door or bedroom closet mirrors and basically just getting in the way and demanding attention no matter what. I usually can deal with her, but today I wanted to kill her. Right now she's on top of the cable box in our bedroom, which is on top of the DVD player, which is on top of the TV. I'm waiting for everything to fall, including her, and then I'll probably start crying.

5. When putting my contacts in, I dropped my left contact in the sink. Again, another thing that wouldn't be such a big deal, but since the sink was full of soapy water that was still draining, I at first couldn't find it. When I did and it was on my finger tip, I immediately dropped it again into the sink. This time I had to wait some time before I could see it. I decided it probably wasn't the smartest thing to put the contact in my eye at this point, no matter how long I rinsed it off with water and contact lens cleaner, since I'm sure the soapy residue wouldn't be totally removed quickly and my left eye would scream out in pain as soon as I stuck it in my eye. Out went the right contact and back on went the glasses.

6. For whatever reason, no matter what the weather is like outside, I'm still one overheated momma. I was wearing jean capris, but they were getting too hot, so I put on my linen capris. For some dumb reason, my linen capris come with really long ties at the waist. So if you tie the ties into a bow, the bow will push out your shirt and make you look silly. I tuck the long ties inside the capris instead. I used the bathroom (uh huh, you can see where this is going), and as I stood up to pull up my capris, one tie fell out from inside fell promptly into the toilet, which was still full of my pee. Off goes the capris. On go another pair of thin capris.

So it's noon, and I'm sure this isn't the end of stupid things that will happen to me. The Safeway guy has yet to show up, Zoe has yet to break something or break herself, and I haven't made dinner yet, which will require using the oven. I guess as long as Mateo is okay, all is well. I will persevere. I will get through the rest of the day without a burn, cut or crying.

The news flipped me off (and you too)

Some crafty PR people decided it was a great idea to promote Aqua Teen Hunger Force via battery operated "lite brite" devices on major highways and roads in Boston. I saw this on the news this morning (today is my first day of leave, I should be asleep, but what am I doing? I'm awake and on the computer), and I thought it was very interesting that during the whole news story, while the news lady was chatting away about how this PR scheme snarled traffic and people thought bombs were going to be dropped on Boston, I was being flipped off. By this guy:

















He's one of the characters on the cartoon, and I'm not sure if he's usually drawn in such fashion, but from my quick search, his hand usually doesn't look like that. Regardless of whether the flip-off was intentional or not, I find it amusing that the news station either never realized what this looked like, or they did, but assumed no one else would. If you try to find this picture with news stories online, you'll be hard-pressed.

Oh, and we've officially lost it in the country (I thank Bush for that) because these light boxes were assumed to be bombs planted all over Boston. Does this mean we should report those silly stickers posted all over SF? Graffiti? Weirdoes talking to themselves?

I just wouldn't think of a bomb if I saw it. I would probably just laugh and then pass it and not be blown up. Like all the other cars ahead of me and behind me.

P.S.: As I was just going to click on "publish," the same story came on again, and I was repeatedly flipped-off, again. Apparently these boxes were planted in SF as well. With no incident. I've been to Boston, but I never realized how scared they are there.

Kids n' cats

My cats get easily freaked out by weird noises, and yesterday was a day full of them. First every time the phone rang, they both thought someone was coming to the door (this is how we let people into our building), which they both fear for some reason and run away, then Sophia heard something in our bedroom and was acting like an axe murderer was in there, ready to kills us all, then the Safeway guy showed up, which made Zoe run for her dear life and Sophia to sit in the hallway, bobbing her head up and down while the guy gave me the grocery bags, and finally after I got home from the doctors, the pipes made some awful noise in the kitchen, which not only freaked both cats out but me as well.

When I thought everything was over and done with, I began to hear this annoying "zzzzzzzz" noise from the hallway. Then kids talking. Then BAM! a crash into the hallway wall. Then "zzzzzzzzzzzz," kids, BAM! Over and over. Both cats were freaking out, Zoe in the bedroom and Sophia hunkering around the condo, trying to figure out what it was. I looked out our peephole and I saw a kid, then I saw a remote car. Darn it. I am not allowing these bratty kids to stress out my cats, I thought.

So in all my pregnant, bag lady glory, I opened our door and told them to stop playing in the hallway and to stop hitting the wall.

"What?" I heard.

Oh jeez.

"STOP HITTING THE WALL!!!" I said.

One of the kids walked over to the door and peeped at me.

"Ball?" he said.

"Stop hitting the wall -- wall!!!" I said.

"Play with a ball?" he said.

"STOP hitting the WAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL," I said for the millionth time.

He mumbled something and then walked off.

That was the last I heard of them.

Don't be messing with the crazy pregnant bag lady with the bobby-headed cat who sits in the hallway and watches all door interactions. Oh no. Don't you dare.