Monday, November 28, 2005

Picking up on the ladies

I knew something was up with this guy in the produce section at Safeway tonight. My husband ran off to buy us a venti soy chai (my hands were cold, his belly wanted soy chai), so I was left alone to defend myself. Maybe he thought I looked at him, but if I did, it was only because he was wearing those brown denim overalls construction workers wear. Not sure why I was looking at that, but that was all it was.

I moved around the display of onions, gourds and potatoes in search of sweet potatoes. Let me described what I looked like today before I get into the smooth talking. I was wearing running shoes, Levis, a tshirt, zip-up sweatshirt and my wool overcoat (buttoned up because I was freezing). I'm sure my hair was a bit ratty. And let's not forget that I look like I'm 15 -- especially when I'm dressed the way I was today.

So there I was, fondling the sweet potatoes, when I heard someone saying something to me. At first I thought it was about sweet potatoes because that was what I was looking at, but then I heard something about jelly.

Of course it was that man.

"I just realized I forgot my jelly for my peanut butter! Can you believe that? I got to have jelly with my peanut butter!" he said to me. Rather loudly.

I looked at him and smiled. What else could I do? Rarely do men try to talk to me, and if they do, then they're usually the most geekiest of all geeks (One guy tried to pick me up in Vegas -- I was waiting in the bathroom hallway for my husband to get done doing his business when this techie guy tried to start a conversation with me. This is all I attract.) or need BART directions/info. Oh, and I did make friends with some wannabe gangsta guy from Oakland at our old pool hall. Me and him hit it off for some reason. Later I realized he was being another guy's "muscle." I'm just too oblivious.

Since all I did was sorta glance his way and give him a half-hearted smile, he moved on to the next relatively young women who did not have a man attached to her in some way. I stayed planted by the sweet potatoes, hoping my husband would show up with his soy chai. I needed my muscle. I heard him talking about his jelly to another lady who actually responded to him.

When I felt it was safe, I continued on to the next aisle. That was when my husband decided to show up. I told him what happened, but nothing fazes him even though he should always be concerned that I'll be swept off my feet by some charming weirdo in the produce aisle. I told him I had a weird feeling about the guy too -- and low and behold, he decided picking up women in the grocery store was a good way to go.

It reminds me of those shows where dating coaches teach people how to meet others. But see, it doesn't work. It's just weird. And I really didn't think men tried to pick up women in the grocery store. That's just a bad joke.

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