Saturday, February 04, 2006

Party Time at the Hilton

My husband and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate his new beginning -- his new job.

After our very nice dinner of tasty food, we decided to go to the Hilton in our city. It was befitting that we went to the Hilton after our dinner at Massimos because the first time we went to the Hilton for drinks was after our first dinner at Massimos a few years ago (bloody cornish game hen turned us off from revisiting Massimos until now).

When we got to the Hilton nothing much was going on. The crowd hadn't arrived yet, but there were a few people to make fun of. Oh, I didn't mention this part -- our favorite past time is me making fun of people in bars or restaurants and my husband laughing. See, I am fun.

We were both a bit disappointed at the lack of people to make fun of. Until we saw them.

The Hilton has the same two bands playing on Friday and Saturday nights, and the band was in full swing. The bands play the same songs in the same order with a few new tunes thrown in for good measure. There was some crazy fast dance song playing, and a lot of ladies were out on the floor dancing it up. I was staring at the TV when my husband got my attention.

"Look..." he said and nodded his head to the dance floor.

"OH MY GOD," I answered.

I saw the guy before when he was getting a drink at the bar. He was okay looking, not my type, but I could see girls being into him. Actually, besides my beautiful husband, he was the only other good looking guy at the bar at that moment. He was wearing a really big button-down shirt, but at the bar, it didn't look so bad.

Now the lady he was dancing with....well....let's say she looked like naughty librarian. From far away it was hard to tell how old she was, but I was sure she was older than the guy. She was dressed in a very tight corset and pants, and admittedly, she had a nice body. But that was where it ended. Above her neck she looked like a boy. And she wore glasses. And no, it wasn't for fashion, it was because she couldn't see without them.

The two just didn't match. And then they regressed to high school and started dirty dancing all over the dance floor. It was really weird, really obscene, and really bizarre. It was a car wreck we had to stare at. What were they going to do next? Lie down on the floor and crawl all over each other? Hey, they were doing it while standing.

"Is it her body? Why would he do that with her?" I asked my husband. He hates these questions from me because I use him as my male answer machine. He should have the answers to why guys do anything they do, regardless of whether he would do it himself or not.

"I don't know!" he said to me.

"I just don't get it. I'm soooo embarrassed!!!" I exclaimed.

At one point I realized why the guy was wearing his super big button-down shirt -- he had a really big gut. I could see him being the top football player in high school; all cocky with all the girls in his class loving him. But, as with most kids after high school, he couldn't keep up his studliness, so he gained a few pounds, bought some big shirts, and went the the Hilton by himself every weekend in hopes to charm the ladies like he used to.

Now this lady, on the other hand, I personally think she was in her 40's, had a boring job and a secret "naughty" librarian night life. I pictured her never really having much experience with men, so when this fat hotty wanted to dance with her, she was more than happy to oblige. What I wasn't getting was why she would allow this guy to touch her EVERYWHERE while EVERYONE was watching in dismay. It was really weirdly embarrassing. I felt embarrassed and I wasn't even doing it.

"What if he knocks her glasses off?" I said.

"Oh! He just did," my husband said.

"I hope they don't dirty dance on them."

"She's not wearing them now," he said.

"I wonder if she looks better now?"

During a slow song, most of the dancers, including our dirty dancing couple, left the floor to refuel with more drinks. The guy and the girl took off to one of the lobby couches. After a few minutes, he left to go back to the bar. She sat on the couch (her glasses were back on). He had a big, sweaty splotch on his back. This was not looking good.

She sat on the couch for a bit, waiting for him to come back. Now I felt bad for her. And awkward. Like, how long do you wait for your sweaty dirty dancing dance partner to come back? Did all that caressing and gyrating mean anything? Ack. I felt for her.

"Oh no! She's walking back over here," I told my husband. She had a stern look on her face like whatever just happened with the guy didn't matter, and she didn't care that he walked away and never came back.

"Really?" my husband said. He took the moment to take a good look at her. Our suspicions were confirmed. She was not good looking.

She sat at a table in the corner. That was when the guy began walking back to the couch. But she wasn't there! He looked around, looked confused, looked sad. His booty call left him! Will they find each other again?

He walked back to the bar. She spotted him. He spotted her. They had that weird moment where neither one was sure if what just happened was a good thing or not, whether it was real or just a lusty fantasy. But he still wanted her! Her face lit up! She walked to him and they commenced dancing again.

By this time I was halfway into a "Blue Moon" cocktail that was kicking my butt and making me feel ill. I prefer drinks where you can't taste the alcohol and therefore, get drunk way too quickly because you drink and drink and drink. This cocktail had way too much gin, and while I do enjoy my ghetto juice, I wasn't into drinking blue gin. I was tired and ready to leave. If I drank anymore of my cocktail, I was not going to be a happy gal, and would probably be forever turned off gin. So I told my husband I was ready to go. This was when the couple made their move back to the lobby couch.

"Look!" my husband said.

I looked over to the couch. The guy was giving her a fully clothed lap dance. She was so skinny and he was so large that we couldn't even see her at all. So it kinda looked like he was getting freaky with the couch.

"Oh nooooooooo," I said. "Good thing they're in a hotel. Is this a mating dance?"

We paid our bill, and started walking through the lobby. Our couple had disappeared. I turned around and looked back at the bar.

"Oh man, I think I'm thirsty again," I said.

"What do you want?" my husband asked.

"Look! Look where they're sitting!!!"

The couple took our spot! Oh man, I wanted to go back and get another drink and be a fly on their wall, but the night was over. I couldn't deal with anymore weirdness.

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