Thursday, May 01, 2008

9 Reasons why I love my local Hallmark.

I went to the Hallmark store today to buy some cards. I'm trying to make sure I break no hearts this coming mom and dad days, and that I actually give my husband an anniversary card since I sorta, kinda forgot Valentine's Day this year. While there, I realized I just loath love the Hallmark store.

Here are my reasons, in no particular order:

  • Old people! Omg! How the old people flock to the Hallmark store. Don't they tend to go out earlier in the day? Because those times I've gone grocery shopping around 9 or 10 am on a weekday, there are nothing but old people slowly walking the aisles, getting in the way of shopping carts and asking me to read things for them.
  • Geeky teenage boys who for some reason decide to apply to work at a Hallmark store even though they know nothing about cards and trinkets and "collectibles" (term is used very loosely). They are quiet, shy, awkward and don't make eye contact. I suspect his mom got him the job.
  • Gold Crown stickers. Why do the cashiers have to ask each person buying cards if they want some? Just give the stupid stickers away. This ties into the old people reason - the cashier asks, "do you want a gold crown sticker?" The old persons says, "What???????????????" The cashier repeats the question and adds, "you put it on the back of the envelope - to seal it." "What?????????????????" This can go on one more time or a few more times, or until the cashier gives up and just gives them the gosh darn sticker.
  • Weird old woman who I swear must be a witch because she walked in with half her long, ratty hair tied up to the side of her head with the other part of her hair drooping in foam rollers. The cash register area was a bit clogged up, so she walked 50 mph up behind one of the many old people milling around and said "EXCUSE ME!" and then kept on her way when the old lady moved. When she came back, a patchwork teddy bear caught her eye, she picked it up, probably put a curse on it, put it back and left the store, foam rollers bouncing as she went. Witch or art teacher. You pick.
  • Woman with massive purse who had her mind set on looking at the Mother's Day cards right behind me. I moved up a bit to give her room, but instead of reciprocating this nicety, she whacked me in the back, not once, but twice with her stupid gigantic bag. When I turned around to give her the evil eye (I had already been waiting to pay for about 5 minutes and figured I had another 5 minutes of waiting, so my good humor was slowly fading), she didn't acknowledge my existence. I did not exist! I was invisible. However, I was ready to throw some heated words with her, and who was going to stop me? The geeky cashier or the old people?
  • The Hallmark collectibles that the old people come in to buy. For some reason, the really "high end" collectibles are taken out of their box and displayed. So if an old person wants to buy it, they have to bring it up to the counter and then wait for the geeky cashier to go upstairs, find the collectible's box, bring it down and repack it. This. makes. no. sense. Just buy two of the stupid things for stock and one for display. Don't sell the display one!!
  • Picky collectible buying old lady who is freaked out that there is no bubble wrap around her collectible, which then causes geeky cashier to go BACK upstairs to cut off a chunk of bubble wrap and then come back DOWNSTAIRS to wrap up said collectible. When he put some extra collectible trinket thing in the box, she freaked out because the little thing didn't have a box. And she was taking all the lovely collectibles ON THE PLANE, for gosh darn sake, so make sure those puppies don't break! Like there aren't a bazillion Hallmark stores in every state.
  • Old lady who has to find the change to give to the cashier so that she could get even change back. So another 2 minutes of every one's time is lost while the old lady searches and searches for her change, which she can't really see as it is. And then, when the cashier gives her 40 cents back (even!), she drops a dime. So I picked it up and try to hand it to her, but she has no clue that I'm even there, and the cashier is trying to grab the dime from me, like I'm going to drop the dime and grab her other 30 cents she got back and run into the night.
  • Cashier who tells me she's stressed out, and when I say it'll get better, she tells me she was off a long time ago, but there is a long line (old people...), so she's stayed, but she's got to get all the way across town by some certain time, and blah blah blah. My transaction was finished really fast -- "do you want Gold Crown stickers?" "No." "Can I see your ID?" Flipped out and displayed lickety split-like." "Sign here." Signed. So when we were finished, I told her, "Hey, at least I was FAST." Ha, ha, guffaws, etc..

And these are the many reasons why I will try Target first when I need cards.

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