It's called excessive sweating.

Hi, my name is ______ and I'm an excessive sweater.

(That's in, water comes out of my pores too much, and not I think I am an excessively large sweater.)

One of the side affects of being pregnant (and NO, I AM NOT (mom, sis, boss lady, etc.)) is that the little person one is incubating for months and months causes ones temperature gauge to go whackadoo. At least mine did. I was always hot, hardly ever cold, even when it was December, January and February. I sweat a lot. I was told it was just pregnancy, it'll go away, so on and so forth.

But it never did.

I had to go to the OBGYN a few months back, and I asked her about it, and she asked me a few questions, which I didn't answer correctly for it to be my thyroid (if I had said I had trouble sleeping at night, which I don't because I'm so doggone tired all the time, she was thinking my thyroid was working too much or too little, I can't remember now). She was going to order blood tests for me, but never did and I never followed up.

I hardly have to wear a jacket, I would much rather wear loose clothing that doesn't stick to me, and some sort of open shoe or a shoe with socks because my feet get darn stanky by the end of the day if I don't wear socks and the shoes are closed up. If I could, I would have a fan blowing on me all day, every day, every minute. In fact, I do have a fan blowing all night, much to my husband's annoyance.

See, he's got a normal temperature gauge, so he doesn't really need a fan on all night. But he loves me, so he just lets me have my way.

Today I went to the mall in our city. I had to get a few things and since Mateo's been running a fever for the past several days, he's a little stir crazy from being home with boring old mom who spends way too much time on the computer and I knew he needed to just get out. As soon as I walked into the mall, which, I'm sure, is air conditioned relatively well by most people's standards, I started to sweat. And sweat. And sweat some more.

I had to buy some cards, so at the Hallmark store, I would grab random cards and fan myself and put them back. I dreaded paying for my purchases because I knew my face was spotted with sweat dew. I tried to be nonchalant, and I'm sure the lady didn't think anything of it, but I was still slightly embarrassed.

Next was Target to buy a few things, and as I walked to the store, I would have moments of intense heat, then I would cool off (presumably I was walking under an AC duct), then heat up again. It's almost like I'm walking through some muggy building, and I've been in extremely humid, muggy, hot, can't breath after walking two steps weather, and while it's not really close to this, it's very similar. Dare I say, it's almost like going through menopause and hot flashes.

I tried to avoid direct eye contact with the cashier at Target because the inside of the store was like the mall inside itself atmosphere-wise. If that makes sense. So not only was my face sweating, but the back of my neck (I also blame this on my way too long hair, which I will be chopping off tomorrow) was drenched, my armpits, my sides, my legs, my torso, etc. And I was wearing loose clothes.

I just can't win.

The last store was Crazy 8 to buy Mateo two pairs of jeans for the fall. Of course the cashier there was extremely friendly, so there was no real way I could avoid looking at her. She even went so far as to say she's seen me before at Gymboree, and I was thinking, how do you know it was me? The sweat???

Sadly, I fear the main reason I'm sweating like I live in the desert is because I'm overweight. And if only I could magically lose 50 lbs so I can scratch that reason off my list, I would be much happier. The thought of making a doctor appointment for this and being told "oh, just lose 60 lbs and you'll be much better" will break my heart because, as shown in my Fatty McGoo blog, losing weight is simply not in the cards for me right now, although always on my mind.