Dr. Doublespeak.

Okay, it's not really doublespeak, but it still bugs me.

I took Mateo to the doctor today because he's been horrible since he got sick. He's just been super sensitive with these crazy crying bouts over nothing to me but everything and then some to him. I hand him his sippy cup of milk because he gestures like he wants it, he flips out. I put it back, he flips out. I pick it up again, he flips out. I put it back, he flips out. And this has been our mornings for a few days now.

He's also started up with this "NO!" when I touch him. I can't touch that boy worth a darn. And I love him so, so of course I want to touch him (this is almost sounding a bit weird, but of course you all know I don't mean it in a weird way). He's been sick, so I, as a momma, want to comfort him. What does he do? "NO!" and pushes my hand away. So fine. Have it your way. I try to leave the room, he bum rushes me and attaches himself to my leg or tries to block my path like an 8-foot tall basketball player.

Today I finally thought, okay, self, he's probably got an ear infection since that boys loves him some ear infections when he gets sick. It's been almost a week since he got sick, and by now the ear infection should have manifested. I called Kaiser, after being asked if I wanted to talk to the advice nurse and replying NO since I clearly stated from the beginning that I wanted to bring him in, I got a late afternoon appointment.

As the doctor was examining him (ears = fine, chest = oh! sounds GREAT!, throat = I guess fine, but since your son snaps his mouth down like an alligator would on an unsuspecting bird, I couldn't really tell), he asked me if I gave him Albuterol. Mateo was finally diagnosed with asthma last spring, which has cleared up a lot of chronic issues he was having. He only uses Alburterol when his physical condition calls for it, and last week was one of those times. I told him yes, but when I realized he wasn't having any "huffy-puffy" issues, I stopped. (And yes, I normally am so technical with the medical peeps.)

Then his doctor throws out this one: "Are you still giving him the blah blahblahbladey blah?"

I'm thinking, the whatywhatwhat?

"I'm still giving him the Flovent," I told him, hoping that was what he meant because I didn't know what the blah blahblahbladey blah was.

"Oh, yes, Flovent," he responded. "Good, yes."

Some more hoopla occurred, I asked about flu shots (we're getting them this Saturday - a fun Mom and son thing! Woohooo!), and that was that.

Then his doctor said: "So if the blah blahblahbladey blah is working for him, just keep it up, especially if he's coughing."

Sigh. Again with the blah blahblahbladey blah. What's wrong with these doctors? Sure, you know it by whatever name, but the box clearly states FLOVENT on it. And I'm a layman in the medical world, so just humor me and call it by the name a normal, regular, non-medical person would know it by!

I don't know how many conversations I've had with doctors over the years where they do this, and I have to be all, I think the doctor means this, and I sure hope so because what he/she just said made no sense whatsoever, and I'm at a Kaiser facility and that means I only get a whopping 10 minutes to talk before the doctor will try to wrap it up and kick me out (although crying always extends the appointment, not saying I know this from first hand account, just saying (and crying doesn't work when you're a toddler, a crying toddler just seems to make the appointment end even faster)).

So yes. I've coined this situation, this playing with our little layman minds, as "Dr. Doublespeak."

Even though that really doesn't make sense if you know the definition of doublespeak, but this is my blog and last time I checked, I have full and utter power over making up any words I so choose and using words incorrectly.

And this morning when my husband had to wake my nyquil butt up, I was dreaming I was ordering home fries.
Perhaps I should just go to bed now.

PS: I love that Blogger's spellcheck is telling me to change Albuterol to albatross.