My dream gift.

I want a spy camera. Not a teddy bear spy camera, not a video spy camera (which is the only type I can find), but a nice, old fashion camera that gives you photos, preferably digital. You know, in the form of a pen or a hairbrush or something common and unnoticeable.

I don't know how many times something odd has happened and I would love to take a picture of whatever is going on. Sure, I have a cell phone with a camera, but so does everyone nowadays, and you really can't take a sneaky picture of someone without them knowing what you're doing. Not only that, but I don't have a way of getting pictures off my cell phone, although I know this is easily remedied by buying some cable and software or something. I've just never looked into it. And since I cut off our internet capabilities on our cell phones, I can't email myself or anyone else pictures.

(I had the service cut off after our cell phone bill went way over 100 bucks because someone who shall remain nameless (me) kept touching the stupid "I want to access the internet" button on the phone, even though that was not what she wanted to do, and when she called to ask about it, the nice cell phone company decided to remove the charges when she agreed that removing the internet access from her account would be a fine and dandy idea.)

Here is a perfect example of when a spy camera would come in handy:

A lady with a typical lumpy "had a few kids, ate way too many pizza slices and some cake" body was wearing mom jeans and a mom-type shirt. This itself is not unusual, I admit. The unusual part was that she had on high heel shoes. This person has never worn high heel shoes that I've ever seen, and believe you me, I would have noticed this a long time ago if she had. Her choice in clothing - jeans and a tee - immediately screamed comfort and gym shoes, not high heels. It was simply silly and absurd looking. It was her attempt at trying to look "in" and "now" and "with it."

I think.

I'm really not sure since she spent most of a year wearing her short hair in a stumpy ponytail, a hair statement leading me to believe she has no fashion sense or any idea what she looks like to others.

Sadly, I was all alone when I saw her outfit. I had no one to tell. No one was around. Sure, I could IM people who knew her and tell them, but really, her outfit was something to be seen not read about.

Hence my need for a spy camera.

And I bet, dear reader, you are thinking, so what? She was wearing high heels and jeans and a tee. Big deal. And I understand where you are coming from because you're missing an actual picture of how silly this looked. Spy camera, I tell you. Spy. Camera.

Another case towards getting a spy camera:

I see celebrities all the time. Just today as my husband and I took our afternoon constitutional, I saw Samuel L. Jackson. He was much shorter than I thought he would be, but he was sporting his famous cap and being really loud, just like how you would perceive Samuel L. Jackson to be in real life.

I said, "Hey, look, there's Samuel L. Jackson."

My husband responded, "Huh?"

I said, "He sure looks a lot shorter in real life."

My husband, finally noticing him, said, "That's NOT Samuel L. Jackson. That's just some GUY."

But can't you see how a spy camera would come in handy? And I'm just scratching the surface here.

A spy camera is top on my Xmas list. Now I just need to convince my husband. If I can't have a spy camera, I want a ferret. Or a chincilla. Or even a gerbil or hamster. I'd even settle for a fish.