Friday, November 14, 2008

Dry streak.

Did I even spell streak correctly?

So if I haven't started a post and then scrapped it and its contents, then I've been thinking about writing. Really. I have.

I've been tired lately. I have a lot going on. I have two more weeks of online school left, and realized this week our teacher went and switched our assignment due dates to Wednesday instead of Thursday. I've been busy at work and with the boy (who got hurt at daycare TWICE this week - nothing major but pretty much typical of how my child is, so I'm not surprised, and I fully expect a broken bone before he's 3 (not that I want that to happen)). I'm also reading a fun book since I've been stuck on a pretty heavy book for a couple of months, and when I'm not doing that, I'm catching up on, oh, about 700 podcasts I haven't watched or listened to while trying to finish the heavy book since I "borrowed" the book from our work library and it was due way back in September. (I happen to know the librarian, so I think my over due fees will forgiven.)

So here are random things I would like to throw out until I get my writing self back together:

1. I hate adverbs, I've realized. I finally had a breakthrough today, but that was only after talking to my boss about adverbs. I never seem to get the placement of them correct. And why? Well, I blame Mad Libs. Remember Mad Libs? That was the first time I really understood what an adverb was, but sadly, I thought they always ended in "-ly" for the longest time.

Did you know an adverb can modify a verb OR an adjective? But never a noun. Nope. Never ever. Have you ever thought about it? I never did until I started taking this class and had to figure out what word was the adverb in a sentence, which was particularly challenging because of Mad Libs tarnishing my brain at such a young age.

So the problem I was having was where only went in this sentence: We accept cash or check.

I thought it should be: We accept only cash or check. I asked my dear mother, who understands the adverb placement better than I because she actually learned grammar at a young age and didn't rely on Mad Libs like I did, and she said only should come before the verb.

What? No. That makes no sense! Not in Mad Libs! Nuh uh! Adverbs always follow verbs. Right?

Well. I learned something today that will forever help my poor tarnished brain: An adverb may not be placed between a verb and its direct object.

Which means: We only accept cash or check.

Believe me, you just don't know how fabulous this is for me. And yes, someone called me a dork for even talking about this stuff with my boss. Actually, we were both called dorks. But so be it. I'd rather be dorky than not.

2. I really, like REALLY, need that spy camera. My husband I went for a walk at lunch today, and we saw two people that needed their pictures taken. This time it wasn't a celebrity look-a-like situation, but more an "omg, wtf, huh?" situation. (Pardon my abbreviated swearing.)

The first guy was just funny because he had to wear a black t-shirt as a waiter in a restaurant, but he had man boobs and a beer belly, and he just should not be wearing a somewhat tight t-shirt. We both felt bad for him. But he didn't seem to care. Ignorance is bliss (or perhaps just getting paid at the end of the night makes it all okay).

If I had a spy camera, I would so do a whole "Friday Findings" sort of thing where I post my super secret spy pictures with faces blacked out by big, black circles. Or even happy faces.

The next person was a lady who walked like a trucker, had the body shape of a box with stick legs, was sporting a full-on 80's mullet, and was wearing a tube tank top with a black cardigan. Her face looked freshly scrubbed with some sandpaper - like it hasn't seen better days in decades, but has seen plenty of floors and smoke and alcohol. She was walking with another lady like they were out to pick up lunch, so I have to assume she was an office worker from the area, because if that's not the case, then she was a lady of the late morning, trying to pick up tricks.

Spy camera!!! Friday Findings!!!

3. I've decided bluetooths (or is that blueteeths?) are the most obnoxious telecommunication mechanisms on the face of the earth. Not only do people look stupid running around with one in their ear, but they look stupid when they're having a conversation with no one that can be seen.

But that's all fine and dandy because that's you and not me, and it doesn't affect me one way or another except that people who have their conversations this way tend to make me freaked out because I think they're talking to no one. And if you're talking to no one, that means you're crazy. And I don't like crazy.

Okay, so yes, if you use one, that's fine, go ahead. However. Do not, and I repeat, do not come into a room or an office and start babbling on about stuff that makes no sense, confusing those in the room or office because they think you're talking to them. At least give some indication you're on the phone, and that if you're talking, it's to an invisible person, so when you start talking about someone being in the hospital, you're not talking to me or anyone else in the room, but to yourself and the invisible friend.

Oh yeah, and if you're following up with someone to get an answer for some invisible person on the phone, let the real person know this so when she starts saying snide comments that can clearly* be heard by the invisible person on the phone, she can quickly stop.

How dangerous are bluetooths for those that like to be snide and snarky and mean?


Luckily I haven't gotten in trouble. Yet. But it'll happen.

I say there should be an official "I'm talking to someone on my bluetooth" hand signal. Much like waving is for "hello" or "goodbye," and shaking your fist is for saying "curses to you, you stupid bluetooth user." Right? Thanks, I knew you'd agree.

I'm sure I'll have more fabulousness to report when I'm more awake. My boy likes to wake up between 3am and 4am nowadays.

*Okay. Now I'm second guessing my placement of clearly. I tell you, adverbs are my grammar nemesis. Did you know that "can" is a modal verb? Did you even know there were modal verbs? Ackkk!

1 comment:

Kmommy said...

LOL!! Oh those adverbs! :)
And you so do need a spy camera!! Get one soon!!! :) Maybe your husband will get you one for x-mas?
I so agree with you about the bluetooths! :)