I have likened my husband's incessant need to go to the gym as being his "mistress" in our relationship.
Today a guy at work walked into the lunchroom, where my husband and I were eating lunch together. (He "treated" me to a sandwich. Ain't he sweet? Just like dating again! Actually, now that I remember, when I asked if I get to have chips too, he sighed and said, "I GUESS...." Not like dating at all. Not sweet. Boo!)
"Did Mr. Not Sweet tell you what I told him to tell you yesterday?" the guy asked.
"Um, no....," I said.
My husband, whose new name for this post is Mr. Not Sweet laughed.
"Well," the guy started, "I told him to tell you that he's getting too big and you need to tell him to stop going to the gym."
Uh oh, I thought. First, he's bringing up the shhhh...Mistress. Second, I don't think he's getting big, um, bigger, and wow, if he is, and I'm not noticing it, and perhaps we should hire an overnight nanny and get a hotel room.
Right then another guy came in and started going on and on about the last episode of Survivor, a show we normally watch, but we aren't watching this season for some reason, and we all laughed and chatted and good times were had. Phew, I thought. No more Mistress talk.
As soon as the second guy left, Mr. Not Sweet picked it right back up.
"So yeah, he told me to tell you...blah blah blah gym talk blah," he said.
"Um. I call that thing called the gym his Mistress," I said.
There was talk about if someone took the gym away from Mr. Not Sweet, it would be like taking his life away and this and that, and the whole time I'm thinking, sheesh. What about if I was taken away? Huh? What about me! Darn the Mistress!!! The Mistress needs to die!
"He's going to have gym babies with his Mistress," I said. "And some day there will be a knock on the door, and when we open it, it'll be a baby dumbbell asking for his daddy."
I never said I was mature or made sense. I did, however, make my husband laugh. I guess that's all that matter. Since he assumes I was kidding.