Thursday, January 29, 2009

I just have a few complaints.

I'm trying to lose weight, and with losing weight one must exercise. My time is more limited now that Mateo is in my life (he would be the, um, cause of the weight gain, sorta), so I decided to motivate myself by reading while I exercised. Or exercise while I read. Either way, I don't have much time to read and so I figured if I set it up so I could read while exercising, then I would be more inclined to do so. Believe me, this definitely works for the likes of Miss Lazybones (me).

I started using our condo gym, which has one treadmill. The gym isn't very big, but the HOA did manage to take up quite a big chunk of space with this crazy weight machine they just purchased, and last time I checked, no one asked me if I wanted a gigantic weight machine because if they had asked, I definitely would have said no and why don't you buy two more treadmills?

No, no one asked me. So we only have one treadmill, two stupid ellipticals (you can tell I don't like them, no?), and one stationary bike. And a bunch of really old magazines and catalogues. And a difibrillator. Because if you're all alone and need to shock your heart, it's a good thing the machine is on the wall for your use.

Since the treadmill is the only feasible machine to use while reading (come one - holding a book while on an elliptical? Um, no. Not when you're totally out of shape and tip over easily), I'm always really anxious before I leave our condo to go to the gym because I don't want anyone to be on my the treadmill. Really, if I had it my way, no one would be in the gym the whole time I was in there, but I guess I really can't do much about that unless I somehow learn how to lock the door and not let anyone in under the pretenses that I can't hear them yelling at me because I have my iPod playing or I can't see them because I'm way too focused on my book. And not killing myself.

So far there has been someone on the treadmill once when I've gone to the gym. And he never got off it. And I was not pleased. I can stay on the treadmill for hours if I'm on a nice, easy paced speed, even if I throw in some intervals of inclines, thank you very much. But if I have to use the elliptical, even if I have it on level one for both incline and tension, well, forget it. My poor butt and thighs begin to immediately burn and the sweat starts pouring down my neck and forehead not to mention other unmentionable places. Throw in holding a book in one hand while grasping the side bar with the other (you know, so I don't end up tipping over), then it makes for a very unsatisfactory exercising moment.

I lasted about 20 minutes on the elliptical, and I had to stop about 20 times so I wouldn't die. I barely got much reading done, and I wanted to tell the man who was hogging my the treadmill that he was ruining my whole day and he'd get his. Interestingly enough, I left feeling more worked out than I have while using the treadmill.

Yesterday I had a contingency plan at the ready. If someone was on the treadmill, then I was going to go a park closest to Mateo's daycare and walk until I needed to leave and pick him up. I had everything I needed in my gym bag, so if someone was on the treadmill, I could just keep walking, go out the gate, into the parking lot, and get into my car. The only downfall to this plan was that I wouldn't be able to read while walking at the park. I have yet to master the ability to not pay attention to where I am going while walking.

As I walked out of our building and approached the gym, I carefully watched for weird shadow movements reflecting off the windows, which is the only way I can tell if someone is on the treadmill until I'm almost right there. I didn't see anything. I got to the building and no one was in there. I hurried in and claimed the treadmill just in case some sneaky person was hiding in the bushes, just waiting for me to stop and desperately search my bag for my gym key fob, so the person could bum rush the door, hop on the treadmill and ruin my reading exercise time.

There is a lovely ceiling fan in the gym that, when the windows are open at the same time, makes the gym nice and cool for the likes of a sweaty hot mess such as myself. After I claimed the treadmill, I turned the fan on and set the time for 50 minutes since I planned to be in there for 45 minutes.

I was trying to figure out the interval mode when I noticed a guy walking to the gym. No, no, no, no, no! I thought.

He walked in and immediately made a beeline for the fan control and turned it off.

Oh no he didn't, I just thought.

The fan is directly behind the treadmill, so I turned around and told him to pleaseturnitbackonthankyouverymuch. I think I probably yelled at him too since I had my ear buds in and my music up loud and I talk loudly anyway.

"Oh, sorry," he said while turning it back on.

When I was turning back around, I touched the most evil button on the treadmill - the "help, I'm dying" button - the one that, if some dummy like me decides to touch it, will cause the treadmill to just stop. And so. I. just. stopped.

I was in such a tizzy that 1. someone else was in the gym, 2. that someone else just decided to come in and take over the temperature controls, and 3. I just stopped the treadmill, I couldn't get my head on straight to re-do the interval mode settings and so I just walked on flat ground for 20 minutes.

I ended up hitting the same "help, I'm dying" button two more times while I was there. I also ended up talking to the guy. And he also ended up being very nice. And I think I might have to save my sanity and start using the gym at odd times when I'm pretty sure no one is in there or at least, if someone is, then I can just go back a bit later to see if the person is off my the treadmill.

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