I decided that because I was 10 minutes or so late today, I was going to treat myself to coffee. And yes, I know that doesn't make a lick of sense, but just imagine the kinds of things you could have if you thought like me. We have a Starbucks on the ground floor of our building, which isn't unusual for most buildings in San Francisco, and my husband and I go there often enough that some of the old timer employees (or is that baristas?) know us and what we get. I'm always a venti coffee, no room for cream. My husband is always a venti soy chai, light foam, extra hot.
I walked in and the girl who knows us had just turned around and was getting a venti coffee from behind her. I walked up to the counter, pulled out my wallet, pulled my credit card out and waited for her to turn around with my coffee.
She turned around alright. She turned around and gasped and acted confused but then started laughing her head off while holding the coffee.
Now, usually in a case like this, when I don't really know what's going on, I just laugh with the person so they don't feel too silly and I don't assume anything because, as we all know, assuming makes an ass out of you and me. Or just me. Yeah, it's usually just me. But I was so sure that what happened to her was this: She had the venti coffee in her hand and turned around and almost hit the cash register because she misjudged where she was and misjudged her turning velocity. Because if you were on the other side of the counter, with me, that's what you'd think.
So instead of just laughing and letting it all go and paying for my coffee and leaving, I said: Surprise! Cash register!
Because I'm funny, yo.
For a split second she got kinda flustered but was still laughing, but by then, all I was thinking was: Why aren't you giving me my dang coffee?
She put the coffee on the counter and stood laughing. That's when the other old timer employee turned around and put another venti coffee on the counter. My venti coffee.
That's when it dawned on me that that coffee the first employee got, the laugher, wasn't mine at all and was meant for someone else, the someone else who was behind me talking to another person, and that's why she turned around and acted all surprised because she thought I was going to be that other chick, and then I go and break my rule about making funny jokes during times of not really getting what's going on, and my joke made no sense, but she didn't let on that my joke made no sense and there I stood, thinking I was quite the comedian. But I wasn't. I was just totally unaware of what the heck was going on.
So I decided to keep pretending I didn't know what was going on, paid and left. Sometimes oblivion is better than reality.