Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Kaiser Pharmacy

Every day at the Kaiser pharmacy is a great day. I write this sarcastically.

Well, tonight was no exception. Quite the bunch of folk at the pharmacy tonight.

The line was so long that it started to loop around instead of just curving. I made my way to the end. This man walked in with coffee in his hand and just moved into line, but I think he figured the lady he cut in front of was ready to kill him, so he got out and moved to the side. Instead of asking what was what, he just stood there and stared at us in line. Like we were monkeys in the zoo. And I do like monkeys, so fine, go ahead and do that.

Then the outside door opened and this huge (as in fat), tall guy walks in. He was just as confused, but he asked where the end of the line was. I raised my hand. The coffee drinker perked up (the monkeys were communicating!) and asked where the end of the line was.

"That would be me," I said. Then I quickly corrected, "Actually, that would be him." I pointed to huge, tall guy whose new name is now doofy (for this blog entry, at least).

He said, very happily I might add (sure signs of doofyness), "Yeah, I'm at the end of the line!"

Coffee drinker moved behind me and dopey was going to slip in behind me when the line curved his way.

"IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS??" coffee drinker asked.

The girl in front of me said, "Yes, every night."

I knew this to be untrue, but I decided when I first saw coffee drinker, I was going to play the mute game. I helped herd him in line, my job was done.

"WELL, THIS JUST PLAIN SUCKS!" he announced.

Right then this skinny older man walked in. He was eyeballing the wall of over-the-counter meds. He made his way to where I stood, so I moved out of the way so he could look better. He very politely said "excuse me" and "thank you."

He was dressed in light brown carpenter overalls. And he was wearing a hat. Like a men's sun hat.

Right when he stepped in front of me, coffee drinker belched, "LOOK! IT'S INDIANA JONES!!!"
As with most doofys, dopey somewhat played along, probably for fear that coffee drinker would pick on him. No one else piped up. Silent monkeys, we all became.

The man got what he needed and then made his way to the end of the line.

"He must be from West Virginia," coffee drinker declared to dopey.

"Yeah," dopey replied.

What???! I thought. How asinine could one person be? We all know what living in W. Virginia means. And we all know that people who may be from W. Virginia obviously don't know how to hear, and if by chance they do, then they can't understand the English language. We all know they won't say something back to stupid, loud, coffee drinking men who think we're his entertainment. Heck, if he really wanted to insult the man, he should have said he's from Canada!

A lady walked into the pharmacy about this time and said, "Just tell me who is at the end of the line."

Another guy said it was dopey, coffee drinker and then him.

She said fine, she'd wait until they swung around and she'd get in line.

There was some sort of conversation going on, and then all of a sudden dopey states, "All's I know is that I'm behind this beautiful woman!"

I thought to myself, what beautiful woman? I'm in front of him! What the heck is he talking about?

Then I realized he was talking about me. And it was then that I realized my curse of attracting weirdos and ugly techie guys continues (except for my husband, thank you very much, and my first "real" boyfriend, who I still think is cute). I tell you, if I hadn't of played my cards right, I would most likely be married to dopey because that's all who wants me. Vegas can be a very scary place for a gal like me.

That was when I tuned them all out because it was entering a realm that I didn't want to be part of.

During my second stint in line (oh how I love Kaiser!), I was put into my ultimate nightmare: Two juicy conversations going on at the same time and me only having two ears that need to work together.

I ended up listening more the lady behind me because, well, she was directly behind me. Seems someone came back home and likes to stay out all night. Yup. She's making everyone worried. I mean, if she wants to stay out really late, fine, but she should come home at some time! Especially if she's trying to turn her life around. And she's an adult. Man oh man. And you know what's been going on in this area! (That confused and worried me because I don't know what's going on in the area...and she didn't expand on that subject. Probably should have asked.)

The other conversation was between two old men that knew each other. Apparently someone did something that got cops involved and then in turn made the first old man mad. But I kept tuning out. I just know the first old man has a caravan (mobile home -- I'm trying to learn British slang -- more on that later) with a full tank of gas that has been sitting there for 6 months. Those crazy old folks.

So that concludes tonight's fun at the Kaiser pharmacy. I'm hoping that soon I won't have to make these weekly trips. But I will miss all the craziness. I surely will.

And hey, I'm beautiful and woman, so don't you forget it!

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