Rumors

My husband told me he had breakfast this morning with some people in our lunchroom.

I thought, great! He's making friends. It's hard being the new person.

He said they were all talking about health and exercising and keeping fit. My husband's favorite topics to talk about.

Then he told me that he shared with his new pals that I lost a lot of weight on weight watchers. And so because I had great results, he went on it too. And lost some weight.

When he told me this, I thought, hmmm....well....that's nice that he's sharing this with other people that I don't really know. And right after giving this information, he confirmed to them that I was his wife. Because people really haven't been sure. Most knew that I was married, but they didn't get why I was eating lunch with this new guy all the time.

As in, oh, your fat wife -- that's Janine?

I was going to let all this go, but then my husband threatened to spread rumors about me because I'm always been interested in other people's business. I said that he can make lots of friends and get scoops and let me know what's what. I don't do anything with the stuff I know. I don't spread rumors; I just like to know stuff.

So that was when I said he already had. I'm going to hear through the rumor mill that I was 300 lbs and a big fatty and needed to get my stomach stapled.

And that was when his sometimes dim lightbulb brightened up and realized that telling people he doesn't really know that I lost a ton of weight on weight watchers maybe wasn't the best idea. Not that I think the 300 lb rumor will run around the place, but come on, man! That's my business!

Although, I did tell someone later in the day that he has what I call "vampire eyes." And that same someone ran over to him and said he's got vampire eyes. And it was all innocence on my part.

So he's a blood sucker and I'm a big fatty deep inside!