Friday, March 14, 2008

Hand holding.

My husband and I used to be hand holders.

Used. to. be.

I just realized today that we probably haven't held hands since Mateo was born. I know this is mostly due to one of us strolling or holding Mateo when we're out in the world together, but it just hit me how things change without even thinking about them too much. I'm sure, before Mateo, if I sat around one morning and realized my husband and I weren't holding hands as much as we used to while out in public, I would immediately think: Oh no! We aren't the same as we used to be. Whine, whine, moan, groan, the world is coming to and end.

This morning, while thinking about it, it just made me feel slightly sad. Our world was for so long about each other; and it was a world filled with love and conflicts and fun, and good and bad times. Now our world is all about Mateo: Is he eating enough? Is he getting sick? Why isn't he sleeping well at night all of a sudden? It's about getting him to daycare and picking him up. It's about spending time with him on the weekends. It's about entertaining him, having fun with him, experiencing things with him. It's definitely not about us anymore.

And yes, that's okay. But at the same time, it's almost like my husband and I have been together all this time just to get to this point in our lives and now we're together but only as a team to ensure Mateo grows up happy, healthy and well-rounded.

Which is scary because how will we greet each other 15 years from now when Mateo is more independent and starting to create his own life?

Lately I've been feeling like I'm always trying to finish something so I can start something else just so I can finish it. I think it's time to stop and smell the roses, as they say.

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