My vacation fears.

A while back my husband and I discussed renting a house somewhere, anywhere, as long as it was near the coast and in the redwoods, just so we could get away. The last big vacation we took was way back in 2006 when we all (Mateo was a seedling at the time) went to Montreal. That was a huge waste of money and a big letdown because one of the main things to do while in Montreal is drink, and this momma was not drinking. Although this momma certainly ate a lot, took many naps, and watched plenty of Baby Story.

So now that Mateo is walking and slightly more independent, we thought a nice, local vacation would be fun. I searched for houses, cabins, anything where we had our own kitchen or kitchenette, bathroom, and some space. I found a lot of nice places, somewhat close, but still quite a trip for our first time driving a couple of hours with a wiggly, short-attention span toddler in the back seat. I was ready to book.

Then the fear set in. What if Mateo breaks something? Falls into the river (many houses I was interested in were right on the river)? Drowns (in said river)? Never sleeps which means I never sleep? Is a 24-hour crab apple? Breaks something? Breaks more things? Was it worth it? The deposit was hefty. The fees were more hefty. If something horrible happened and we had to pay for damage, it was going to be the same as buying the house.

I chickened out.

Then a month or so ago, my husband and I looked for cabins again, anything that was quick to get to and get out of (in case it all goes bad, see above), cheap with no written hefty fees that we had to sign our lives away on. We actually agreed on one plus in the Big Basin area. My husband called. They said we had to stay a week -- minimum. Well, there goes that idea. I just don't stay anywhere that long.

Then a few weeks ago, I got the vacation crazies. I needed a vacation, my heart was telling me. So what if Mateo destroys a place we're renting. It's okay. We're on vacation. Right then, and I kid you not, I got an e-mail about the opening of some new hotel / resort in Half Moon Bay, a place my husband and I have frequented a few times, staying at a lovely B&B right next to the ocean. I looked. It was expensive. For some stupid reason I was considering it. Then I remembered about The Beach House, which is a super nice hotel featuring all suites. Although expensive, depending on what you wanted to see outside your window, it was cheaper than the new place opening up.

I looked at my options, I asked my boss if it was "kid-friendly" enough so that I won't want to hide in our room with my toddler who will be 16 months when we go, and then booked the suite. Sigh....vacation, I thought. It'll all be okay. We have two beds (in case one of us has to sleep with Mateo because a threesome isn't working - and no, we don't normally sleep with him, but I have a feeling a hotel crib isn't going to cut it for him), a tub (to wash all the sand and dirt and yuck and muck Mateo will get on him) and a little living room area. My husband was pleased. Everything was set.

Now this brings me here, today, April 25th, and the more I think about our two-night trip to Half Moon Bay, the more I begin to worry:

Is there a refrigerator? (yes)

If there wasn't, what the heck are we going to do about milk? (ah, not to worry cause there IS ONE.)

What about food? (pack it?)

What if Mateo is a nightmare? (it'll probably happen off and on, but what else is new?)

What if Mateo doesn't sleep? (little boy + outside + water + new things to explore + sun + warm weather = one pooped out little boy)

What if it's no fun and all stress? (it'll b fun and stressful - but isn't that what you signed up for?)

Will we be able to have a sit-down meal? (probably, but bring lots of cheerios)

Will I find a bathing suit that fits me but isn't a tight, spandex-y sac yet makes me feel sorta okay? (no, but have you ever?)

What will we do? (lots of stuff - don't worry)

Will Mateo sleep? Will I sleep? (yes, and sorta)

What about feeding Mateo? (see items 1-3 above)

One thing I realized as I was going home today that will help me get through this and not vocalize my worries so much is that when we decided to create the child known as Mateo, we pretty much gave up the right to want to have singular fun as a couple. And that pretty much everything we do that is fun from this point on until who knows when it about making life fun, exciting and new for him.

And while I do miss those carefree days of doing whatever whenever and as late as I wanted to, I'm pretty excited that we're able to share so much with Mateo (yes, even though he won't remember a single thing about it) now and hopefully continue to do so.

If I keep telling myself that, will I stop worrying? Nahhhhh.