Dieting secret. And I'm not even going to charge you for this knowledge.

I have a secret to share with all of you dieting people. If you're like me, you have certain foods that are your enemy. Carbs are my enemy. Salty crunchy foods are my enemy. And sweets. Not sweets as in candy, but sweets as in donuts, pastries, pie...anything that can be fruity and flaky and chocolaty and overall tasty as all get go.

Mateo goes on fruit kicks where he likes something and then decides he doesn't. I'm sure all kids do this with food. He was on a banana kick months ago, so like a good mom, I always have bananas around for him. And because he's not on a banana kick right now, the bananas usually go to the wayside and I end up throwing them away. I do attempt to eat the bananas myself, but usually, by the time I get one to work, the banana is all bruised up and smooshed. I need a better lunch bag.

So yesterday I decided I would make banana bread, a bread I've made more times than I can count. We had six bananas almost ready to be chucked, so I decided to make two loaves: one for now, one for later. Brilliant!

I was following a very simple recipe that only called for flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, bananas and eggs. I decided to wing it and mix some cinnamon in the batter as well.

Being the super "let's not waste time gathering one item at a time" type of gal, I grabbed all the things I needed and brought them to the counter. Trader Joe's has a very distinctive bottle and label for their spices, so I grabbed the bottle of cinnamon without really looking along with the baking soda and salt.

I put all the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl, grabbed the cinnamon, which was the last thing I needed to put in. Since I was putting it in myself and it wasn't part of the recipe, I just took off the top and poured in some. Cinnamon is usually pretty dry and loose, but the stuff I was putting in the bowl was sort of moist. Then a weird smell hit my nose. I grabbed the bottle and read the label.

Cumin.

Now, I like cumin. I'm a big fan of cumin. I think it makes meals quite tasty when called for. But in banana bread? I just wasn't sure about that.

I tried to get as much out as I could and then dumped in a whole mess of cinnamon.

And hoped for the best.

I actually forgot what I did when I cut slices of the bread for my husband and I, but then the distinct smell of cumin hit my nose. And if I could smell it when I was simply cutting the bread? Yeah, that meant I was going to taste it as well.

I tried some, found it wasn't that bad (but not that great), and thought, well, I'll see what the husband has to say about this.

"How do you like the bread?" I asked.

"Oh, I haven't had it yet - just the ice cream," he told me.

"Oh, okay," I said.

He took a bite.

"So? What do you think? Does it taste normal?" I asked.

"No, not really. What'd you put in it? Peanut butter?" he replied.

"No," I said. "I thought I was grabbing cinnamon, but I grabbed cumin instead."

"Oh," my husband said.

And I think it was then that he probably decided he didn't care for the bread, just like I did when after every bite all I tasted was a slight hint of cumin.

So that's my diet secret. If you make baked goods, add some random savory spice to whatever you're making and then you won't want to eat all of what you made. In fact, after tasting what you made with the savory spice, it may turn you off from that particular item forever. Because now, every time I think of banana bread, I think of tacos.

Nothing says I need a vacation like this.

I have to be somewhat vague since this is work related although not an "omg, I hate my job, my boss sucks, they pay me peanuts and I work 100 hours a week" post.

My co-worker asked me to find a picture of the head of our group (and when I say head of our group, I mean, like, super high up but not the highest, but fairly close, and someone who wouldn't know me from the homeless lady down the street) in our internet files. Because someone wanted to include the picture in some presentation, and instead of figuring it out for this person's self (see how I didn't use a gendered pronoun, but instead chose to be stupidly clever?), this person asked our group to provide said photo. So I said okay. I'm bored. (Oops, shouldn't have admitted that - I'm never bored when working! Never! Life of the party, I am, I am!!).

I looked and looked and looked, and they were all really tiny pictures, and then I thought, wait a minute. My particular group isn't like the agent or rep for this head guy. It's not like we have 8x10s at the ready, so we can send them off to whomever asks. That is not our job.

So I pulled a tiny picture and saved it. I told my co-worker what I just said in the above paragraph, and she agreed and that was that (but now I just found out she's trying to find a bigger picture, so that really isn't that, and now I've gone google happy, and I'm fairly certain the head guy got a face lift or something in the past couple years because he's looking me-owish now).

I went to my email, started a new message, and because I had the head guy on the brain, I started typing his name instead of hers. Then I stopped myself. My heart did one of those "I was just about to do something so irreversible and look the fool" jumps.

This IM conversation ensued, slightly edited:

ME: I almost sent the email to head guy cause I have him on my brain.

Her: i am so glad you didnt, he would be so confused

ME: I know, LOL

Her: like, is she my stalker?

ME: he'd be like, who is this gal? and why is she sending me pictures of myself.

ME: I can't stop laughing

(after opening the attachment and viewing picture)

Her: omg, this is the frodo picture! i love it

ME: it is? man, I know that pic, all those times you've talked about it

Her: Frodo Bagins. My precious....................................... LOL. i am making my head hurt worse

*******

So I suppose the need of a vacation is two-fold, or even possibly three-fold:

1. I almost sent an email to the head guy with a picture of himself attached to the message.

2. The fact that I spent so much time trying to find a picture of said head guy due to boredom, and then ended up talking about him to my co-worker like he was some celebrity.

3. That I even think this is worthy enough of writing about.

Shall I post a "donate to me so I can go on a vacation" button linked to my paypal account?

This just goes to show something...perhaps that I'm just stupid?

My co-worker's head popped up over my wall, and she said in a stealthy whisper, "Read your e-mail..." before walking away.

I was stuck in another email box, so I had to wait to get back into mine before I could figure out what she was being so sly about.

When she walked back over, she asked if I had read my e-mail yet.

"No. I'm still in the other inbox. I'm switching in a few minutes," I told her.

"Oh..."

"You might as well tell me what was in the email you sent me," I said.

"Supposedly we can buy Microsoft office software for 20 bucks!" she said.

"Noooo....," I said.

"Yes! I haven't checked it out yet, but it's because we work for the XYZ company," she told me.

Well of course I hightailed it out of the inbox I was in and moved into my own.

And there she was. The cloudy skies opened up to let a bright burst of sunshine through. Angels began to sing. I swear I heard Hallelujah! being chanted. Really.

Technically I can get a student discount on software because I'm taking that one grammar refresher course and it qualifies me as a student who deserves discounts on software among other things, but that discount would get me Microsoft office at the still high price of $120.00. So $20 bucks? Now that's what I call a discount. Okay, where do I sign up? I'm currently using Microsoft 2003. And last time I checked, it's 2008, so it's high time I moved on up in the software hierarchy.

I did everything that was required, and I bought myself that $20 Microsoft office software, all the while congratulating myself at having the best luck for working for a company where I can do these types of things, get my cheeks pinched by older project manager ladies who think I'm a doll (and really, aren't I?), and eat leftover business lunches.

I also realized I can get discounts on other Microsoft products, including the Xbox 360 (not that we need that, but I was on a discount high and almost, almost bought it even though I barely have time to watch a 30-minute TV show let alone play video games, and I really don't like the idea of Mateo starting in on video games at an early age). And this, I believe, will come in handy later on. For what, I don't know, but you never know, and that's all I'm saying.

And then. And then the stupidity kicked in. My husband got a new hard drive last winter because his old one got infected and instead of letting me try to rid the virus from his old hard drive but also because I was tired of hearing him berate his computer because of its slowness issues and slow internet connection (really, there is only so many times you can hear "you bastard computer" before you want to just hide in the closet), we bought him a refurbished Dell hard drive that has worked like a peach since the day it was unpacked and plugged in. And with that purchase I decided to go ahead and buy Microsoft office. And as with most software nowadays, you're allowed two downloads before they put a lock on the software.

And guess what I've never done? I've never upgraded my MS Office 2003 software to MS Office 2007, even though every time I walk by the software clam shell, I think, "I really should upgrade my software - it's a good thing we have that - I should do that some day."

So I spent $20 bucks I didn't really have to spend on something I didn't really need. And I wish I could offer it up in my very first contest to blog readers, but I can't because of licensing reasons, and I really like my job, and I really need the paycheck, and being called a doll every so often can be life affirming.

My first "I'm failing as a Mom" incident

I've had plenty of guilt incidents, most of which I've gotten over and some that I still think about and mentally kick myself in the butt over.

But yesterday was the first time I felt like I was failing my child. This incident happened very quickly and then was over, but it left me feeling horrible, depressed, like Mateo was never going to amount to anything wonderful and lovely and smart...and all because of me.

I made our dinner early so we could try to eat dinner with Mateo instead of after he went to bed. I gave him his favorite - hash browns - first along with some spicy pizza bits from his lunch. I let him have at that while I cut up the dinner I made into smaller bits for him. I told my husband to come to the table, gave Mateo his portion, and my husband and I ate salads while Mateo started in on his "moooorrr" as an indication he wanted to eat what we were eating until he got a taste of it, and then he didn't want to anymore. Unfortunately he kept doing this even though we were eating the same salad with the same salad dressing, but I guess he thinks every time we put something in our mouth, it must be new.

Once he was convinced we were giving him the same thing over and over, he decided he was finished. Never once did he try the food I gave him. All he did was wipe it all over his tray, mixing it with the remainder of hash browns and pizza bits. He kept repeating "all done" until I just gave up on him actually trying the food. I cleaned him up and let him down.

I think this was when the effects of poor mothering started to kick in. I'm getting more and more frustrated that I can't get that kid to eat anything more than fruit, hash browns, yogurt, more fruit, sometimes creamed corn, and pizza bits. Sure, he'll eat other things here and there, but that's his staple. He goes through phases where he loves American cheese and peas, then goes through phases where he won't touch either unless it's to drop peas on the ground and then exclaim "uh oh."

The logical side of me knows this is all per norm with a toddler, and that he'll eat when he's good and ready to eat. And it's not like he doesn't eat - that boy is a good eater, but only when he feels like it and not when I want him to. And the big, round belly on him says it all: he is not starving.

But the worrisome, irrational mom inside of me feels like even though I'm trying daily to provide him with simple foods I think he'll like, it's all my fault that he won't eat more than his normal food items. And that he'll grow-up only eating hash browns.

While I was thinking my crazy thoughts, Mateo was running around the living room, trying to drag a baby bumbo around (I just realized this weekend that he likes to sit in it even though he can't get himself out of it) and making a lot of noise and havoc. My husband grabbed his doggy and put it in the bumbo chair, which tickled Mateo and made him want to sit in it. My husband put him in the chair and started dragging him around. Then he wanted up, so my husband helped him up.

The whole time this was going on, I was sitting staring at Mateo, thinking how I'm failing him. It was then that he decided to pick up his doggy and throw him at Zoe (a cat), hitting her and knocking her up against the wall. Zoe shook her head and crept off.

An immense sadness washed over me. I know that he's only 18 months old and doesn't get what he's doing to Zoe, but I feel like when he does these things, it's my fault because I'm not teaching him well. The me in rational land knows this is not true because every time he does something to Zoe, I tell him he's hurting her, to be nice, gentle, etc., but there is only so much an 18-month old will listen to or understand.

My husband looked at me and must have seen something on my face, so he told Mateo, "Mom's really tired."

Tears welled up in my eyes. My husband asked me if I was okay, and I said no, and I left to go hide in our bedroom. Two seconds later, here come my two men, my husband concerned for me, Mateo acting the goof.

I looked down at Mateo and he looked up at me and smiled and did one of his famous Mateo goofy moves, making me laugh.

My husband told me to lay down and rest for a bit, but, me being me, I just got Mateo's bath stuff together and then gave him a bath. I might be irrational at times, but I'm still dedicated to my boy. And I like him to smell like baby soap.

Yet ANOTHER money post. I am a money mess.

Take the Quicken away from me. The receipts, the bills, the remembering. Take. It. All. Away.

I looked at my email this morning, and there was one from our mortgage company stating our payment was never paid and hey, you big dummy, we're letting you know and you just may want to go ahead and pay that, especially since after today, it's really past due even though the real due date was the end of July (15-day grace period).

I looked at it. And thought, why this is simply not true. I did pay it. I know I did. This is one of them "fishing" emails, and I'm smart, so therefore, I shall close this email up right now and delete it.

But see, while I'm smart, I'm also human, so I had to go to my bank statement online to make sure I had paid the mortgage. I looked and looked, and there was NO mortgage payment listed for July.

Regardless, I still kept thinking, I know I paid it. I even put it in Quicken - I remember remembering to add it. I paid it!

So then I went to our mortgage company's web site, logged on, and saw that I indeed never paid the bill for July. I immediately started clicking away, hit the submit button, and was taken to another page where I was to confirm the payment before it truly was submitted. And this is where I think I went wrong in July. Even though I've paid our bill online for months and months, I simply didn't pay attention and navigated away from the web site before confirming our payment.

That's how I roll.

It's one thing to have AT&T email me saying I never paid my bill and I only have a few days left in the payment cycle before it's past due, and another thing to have your mortgage company email you telling you you're a big dummy and haven't paid the bill.

I immediately opened Quicken to input the payment because I figured since I distinctly remember entering the July payment, that means I was in my money haze and was simply making it up, but there you go - I had entered the payment at the end of July. This confirms that I'm insane.

I need to find an accountant who will take care of me and my money woes. Two steps forward, one step back. And I was thinking how odd it was that we had so much in our bank account....

Getting my hair cut after one year.

You know what stinks? Well, I'll tell you:

1. Your stylist's station is next to the last stylist you went to, one year ago, and fearing the old stylist remembers you.

2 Having flashbacks of the last time you got your hair cut and walking out with your hair in all kinds of flips and hair product and wanting to run home and wash and restyle your hair (thanks to the hair stylist next to the current one you're seeing).

3. Having a "before" and "after" picture taken of you because I guess it's not every day that some chick walks in the door with super long hair and doesn't really care that a good 6 inches is being cut off, including layers cut into the length.

4. Being a good sport, allowing these pictures to be taken, although you feel like you weigh 300 lbs and definitely look it, and then never receiving them in e-mail, as promised.

5. Having all kinds of plans about how to use these pictures to demonstrate how stupidly long your hair was, then showing off your new style, which is very similar to the style you had last year, after the flips you walked out with were washed out, but then NEVER RECEIVING the e-mail.

6. Hearing the stylist you went to last year saying that a person who doesn't cut his/her hair for a year and has the same hairstyle is lazy. Purely lazy.

7. Feeling like the stylist you went to last year somehow remembers you and was saying the comment in number 6 as a reference to you.

8. Not being able to add, and including a 15 dollar tip, but incorrectly adding the total, and really giving a 25 dollar tip.

9. Realizing you added incorrectly while driving home. Re-adding over and over and getting different totals each time, and now obsessed on how the total was entered, but won't know until Monday.

10. Being math-challenged.