Let's just bring back foot binding!

I just saw a video on Yahoo about high heels for babies age 0-6 months. I started this post off differently and then went back and changed it. I was going to put a direct link to the web site, so everyone could enjoy the ridiculousness known as high heels for babies, but then I thought, why should I? If you, dear reader, are that interested in seeing these stupid shoes, you have your clues, go head on over to google and search to your heart's content. You might not find the actual site, but you'll find plenty sites discussing it.

Back to the video: The two women who invented this atrocity and who were being interviewed have got to be the stupidest women on the face of the earth. One lady said she didn't equate high heels with sex and seemed perplexed at the thought that others would. She didn't see any problem with putting the stupid shoes on a baby because the shoes would be baby's "first pair of high heels" and hey, let's just go ahead and start them early.

If I had a baby girl, I would dread the day she would want to look like a mini adult. While high heels don't necessarily equal sex to me either, I do believe that they have a social, sexual and oppressive stigmata. Then you have to think about all the creeps out there who view children and infants as sexual objects. They're sick enough as it is, so why would you want to add fuel to their fire by sexing up your child?

We went to birthday party for a girl turning three, and one of the gifts she received was a bikini. All the women guests oooohed and aaaaahed over it, the person who gave it was proud as a peacock, and my husband and I were baffled.

My husband, who usually doesn't find things weird like I do, told me he felt it was inappropriate and weird, and it was even more weird how all the women acted. I said that I wasn't sure a bikini was a good way to go for a little girl, but then, it might just be how the world is these days that makes us think this way. Obviously not everyone feels the same way we do, otherwise there'd be no market for high heel crib shoes or bikinis for little girls.

I don't much like high heels for adults let alone teenagers and not to mention 5-year-old pageant girls. Babies? Come on. A bit too much.

So it makes me wonder....make-up for babies? Bras for babies? Jock straps for babies? S & M outfits for babies?

Get real people.

Now I must go dress my little boy in a tux and top hat and find his cane.

I've got achey ovary syndrome.

Yesterday some lady came in with her baby. Her baby is 4.5 months old, a girl, fully of kicky legs and gummy smiles, small, cute, with twinkly eyes. I stared at her baby for a good 5 minutes, wondering what happened to my baby and was my baby ever like this baby? I honestly don't remember Mateo looking that babyish at 4.5 months old. Even at 3 months old he looked more unbaby than this baby.

And while I've said over and over that I never wanted a girl, now that I have a boy, I'd take a girl. A little girl who was calm and serene and thoughtful, who wouldn't want to get up at the crack of dawn (or before) on the weekends to run around like a wild banshee, oscillating between wanting to sit on the couch with mommy to wanting to lay flat on the play mat, arms neatly tucked under his belly, to wanting banana NOW, that toy NOW, and hey, Zoe, get the heck out of my way, I need to pull down more slates from the blinds!!!

When I was finished staring at the little baby, I started talking to her and smiling and doing all those goofy things adults do to babies to make them smile. I was smitten.

And that's when my ovaries began to ache. When said lady (who, by the way, looks like a twig and like she never gave birth to anything except maybe a peanut) and baby left, I IMed my husband and told him I want another baby and that my ovaries ache.

He asked, "your ovaries ache because you want a baby?"

I told him yes, yes they do, and yes I do, and I want another baby!

He said if we were rich, I could have all the babies I wanted.

While that sounds just dandy, I think one more baby would be nice. Plus I know I could do everything way better and be less anxious about all kinds of stuff if I had another baby. No problem. I'm an expert now. Because now I know they do stop the constant crying and they do sleep all night and they will let you know they love you by bum rushing you and giving you hugs.

Ah, the smell of spit up and goopy poop calls me. Not to mention lack of sleep, waking up every 2 hours AND having a wild child known as Mr. Mateo driving me loopy with his banshee ways.

I couldn't have said it any better.

I love this post from Jennifer aka binky bitch. For me, add in a full time job, remove some of the daily child rearing responsibilities, and I still don't have enough time. I want the time, and when I suddenly get some extra time (Mateo going to sleep early at night), I'm so lost that all I can do is watch TV or fall asleep, only to wake up and think, why didn't I take advantage of that extra hour last night and actually do something I wanted to do?? Like start that web site I've been talking about. Or work on my resume. Or pay some bills. Or make some jewelry. Or clean. Or put up the last baby gate. Or or oroooooooooorrrrrrrrrrr.

Hey, but I did clean the guest bathroom Tuesday night, which is something I haven't done since I went back to work. Cleaning the bathroom on a Tuesday night, not the whole cleaning thing in general. I'm not that bad. Well, okay. I am.

So sad for me.

How come when you survive your first week after having your baby, you can't wait for your baby to fall asleep on his/her own, without crying, without having to be rocked or held, without much fuss what's so ever, and then when it finally happens, you're completely saddened by the fact that your baby doesn't need all of the above anymore?

Baby class

We went to a baby class the other night that went over baby care and what's normal and not normal and so forth and so on. Our instructor for the first hour was a pediatrician and he went over all the medical things we should be aware of. After he was finished with his spiel, he asked if anyone had any questions.

A lady in the front row raised her hand and said she had a question. Now, as a side note, this lady is married to a man who feels it is unnecessary to flush a public toilet after he pees. I was hoping his level of grossness/ignorance started and ended with him, but apparently they were a match made in heaven. How I know about the no flushing thing? Because I was waiting for the bathroom he was in, heard him peeing like a horse and then saw him open the door and walk out without flushing or running any water in the sink. So I got the pleasure of flushing the toilet for him and cleaning off the toilet seat because he also doesn't believe in lifting it up while he pees, so there was pee everywhere.

Anyway, I digress.

"Will the hospital pierce my daughter's ears?" the lady asked the doctor.

I'm sure the doctor has heard just about every stupid question a person could possibly ask, but I have to give him kudos for not yelling at this lady and calling her an idiot for asking such a stupid question. Instead, he paused before answering and basically told her that no, the hospital will not pierce her daughter's ears and that if she was to ask his opinion about piercing ears, he would tell her that at no time any sort of metal should be pierced into the human body.

The lady persisted. "But what if we ask them to do it? They won't do it?"

The doctor looked at her and paused again. "No, they will not."

"But if we say it's okay to do it?" she asked.

"NO."

I don't have much experience with being in hospitals, but last time I was in one (last weekend), there wasn't a Claire's Boutique or a nice display of earrings to choose from. I would love to know where this lady got this idea from, but at the same time, she is married to a man who thinks it's okay for other people to flush his body waste, so I probably don't want to know.

I just can't get mad anymore

Annoyed, yes. Mad, no -- too tired for the madness.

Apparently, the bigger I get, the more interested people are in what I'm eating. Today I brought two soy corn dogs for lunch, which do look like regular corn dogs, but are much, much healthier (and taste just the same).

"I see you're eating healthy!" I was told by a rather large person. And when I say rather large, I mean, LARGE. "Corn dogs, huh?"

I tiredly looked up and said, "They're soy dogs."

"OH! So all of a sudden you are trying to be healthy?"

I looked at my husband in hopes he'd help me out because with the 3-4 hours of sleep I got, I couldn't come up with any witty response except "leave me alone before I start crying, I just want to eat my lunch in peace." He just looked at me.

"We eat a lot of soy-based products, actually," I said.

"Oh! Really? So you really do eat healthy? You know, with your chocolate problem, I just thought...."

"We just had soy meatballs with our pasta last night," I said.

"Oh! So you don't eat meat? Do YOU eat meat?" she asked my husband.

"I don't eat beef, but yes, I eat meat: chicken, pork...," he said.

"And do YOU eat meat?" she asked me.

"I don't eat beef, and I don't really like meat in general, but I do eat it."

"What about soy milk???"

"Yes, we drink soy milk," I said.

"OH! I never knew you ate healthy!" she said for the 100th time.

"My eating habits got worse when I got pregnant," I said. "But generally, yes, I do eat healthy."

Then less than 5 minutes later, another person walked into the lunchroom and said, "I see you're eating healthy for the baby. Corn dogs, huh?"

"They're soy dogs, and yes, they are healthy and have a lot of protein. Very good for the baby," I said.

"Oh. But not good for you."

"Yes, good for me as well."

"Oh."

I mean, come on! Leave me alone! I know I look like I'm carrying a watermelon around, but don't question my eating habits, darn it! Now I know to avoid soy corn dogs for lunch since it confuses so many people. Back to soup I go.

When did I turn into a prude?

Something seriously strange has happened to me in my 30's. The first sign was when I declared Davey Havok from the band AFI is too weird for my taste, but then I soon realized that if I was a teenager, I would be totally into this guy. And the guy from My Chemical Romance bugs me just the same, but I have to admit, again, that if I was a teenager, I would be totally into him as well.

So there we were at our first baby class that goes over pain management, labor, breathing, etc. (first of six), and low and behold, there were two girls in the class with their mothers who looked like they were 18 or less. I had to sit next to one of the girls, who oooooed and ahhhhhed whenever a newborn baby's face was shown on a video we had to watch, while I thought, yeah, that kid's cute, but I still need to figure out my maternity leave stuff, xmas is coming up, I'm deathly tired, I have bills to pay, and two cats that need flea medicine that costs 70 bucks, and oh yeah, how am I going to pay for that? In other words, I don't have a mom sitting next to me figuring out most of that stuff for me while I just giggle and act silly during a prenatal class.

The other girl wasn't so bad, and my husband thinks she was about 20 or so, but for some reason it really bothered me regardless of her age. I think it would have bothered me if I was 10 years younger, but I don't think it would have bothered me as much as it did now. Maybe it's because I'm now going to have a child who, at some young age, could impregnate a girl who is less than 18 and think it's not important enough to be with her at a prenatal class (although, if this did occur, I'd kick his butt up and down that street for 1. allowing it to happen, and 2. not taking care of his own). I'm 32 and I'm freaked out about having my first kid, so how is this girl just sitting there and giggling and saying stupid comments and acting like having a baby that young is the best idea?

Or maybe I just missed something and should have done this ages ago. Uh, yeah. Don't think so.