How we communicate.

I made an extraordinary amount of carnitas the other night, so we've had tacos for two nights, and my husband wanted to make machaca with the leftovers for "something different."

Now, I know, you're wondering, what is machaca? Well. Let me show you.

And if that visual doesn't do it for you, it's basically and traditionally beef cooked with eggs. So he wanted to take the pork and cook it with eggs. I said heck no, I'm so not eating pork with eggs, to which he responded, "but it's just like having bacon and eggs!"

I don't agree with that statement.

So we agreed on making quesadillas.

Today my husband IMed me and asked if I was still buying stuff for the quesadillas (we need more cheese), and if so, he was thinking we should have burritos with enchilada sauce on top of it instead. I told him yes, I was planning on buying cheese. And in response to his comment about burritos, I wrote:

ME: do we have everything you'd want for burrito insides?
HIM: hmm
HIM: i guess not
HIM: quesadillas r fine

Okay. This is what I don't understand. When I asked if we had everything he'd want for the burrito insides, I really meant, and probably should have been more clear, "what else do you want me to buy so that your burrito is the way you want it? Please give me a list of ingredients and I will happily go purchase them after I pick up Mateo." But to me the meaning was clear.

This is what I guess he read, "I'm so not going to buy anything more than just cheese because I don't want to satisfy your burrito craving, you jerk of a husband, you!!!! And while you're at it, don't even come home tonight!"

So I had to tell him that my question wasn't a loaded question and that it was not a hard question, and I just wanted to know what else he wanted. So he told me. And sadly, this is generally how we communicate with each other.

To add to the husband / TV post.

So there we were last night, trying to catch up on some of our favorite shows while Mateo was asleep. We ended our evening with watching Top Chef. Towards the end, and this is after a few hours of random questions while I was typing on my laptop, he asks, "If one of the losers went into a bank to get a loan, do you think if the loan officer knew the show and them being on the show, they'd more likely get a loan for a restaurant or business?"

????

This is what I have to contend with. He should write one of those random question books that I used to love so much as a kid/teenager.

By this time I was dead tired, sick of the questions, but still didn't want to be mean to him because he did give me the gift of sleep that same day. So I went the "I dunno" route. Just cause we work for a bank doesn't mean I want to ponder borrowing possibilities. I don't even do anything with banking for gosh darn sakes!

My husband has...

running conversations about what's on TV with me while I'm typing away on my laptop and obviously not watching TV with him. Does yours?

Gifts are nice.

My husband gave me the gift of sleep today.

Mateo was sick Monday and Tuesday, and because of that, I didn't get any sleep. I was up at 2am Monday morning and then 1am on Tuesday morning. I didn't follow my rule of "sleep when the baby sleeps," during the days I was home with him, mostly because I got hooked on some interesting mom blogs (Playgroups are no place for children, 5 Minutes for Mom, some various others), and since I get up between 4am and 4:30am all other days (except for the weekends, and that's usually 5am - 6am), I was pretty darn tuckered out and running on 'E' yesterday. I also caught a bit of Mateo's bug, and it's mostly affecting my head by making it feel like a giant cotton ball and making me feel rather lethargic in general.

Mateo decided he wanted to get up at 4:30am this morning, and since I didn't wake up during the night when Mateo woke up crying and my husband got up and took care of him, I thought I should at least be nice and get up to take care of Mateo in the wee hours of the morning. I got probably a half hour snooze with him before my husband got up and told me to go sleep. I told him to go to the gym and I would sleep when he came home, so off he went like the good little "I love to exercise" husband that he is.

Then I took NyQuil.

And then I slowly removed myself from the living room and went to bed. This was at 12:30pm. The next time I made an appearance was at 6pm.

While I needed the sleep, I don't really feel any better. And since my husband spent his whole day with Mateo and he doesn't really know how to spend a day with Mateo while living a normal life (the "I have a VIP visitor and must attend to his needs every second of the day" syndrome), he now needs a day for himself and I shall be attending to Mr. Mateo all day Sunday. Fair is fair.

Surprise gifts are nice. Especially when I don't end up feeling guilty for taking them willingly.

"Uh oh. I think he went poo."

My husband decided after the first week of bringing Mateo home that he was no longer going to change Mateo's diapers unless it was absolutely necessary. I'm not sure why, but I've heard plenty of excuses, the main one being that Mateo doesn't like how my husband changes Mateo's diaper and Mateo cries. I keep telling him that Mateo gets mad at me too sometimes, it's just hit or miss.

So then my husband started with, "Uh oh, I think he went poo," whenever he was holding holding him for a bit. The first time I quickly took Mateo into his room and took his diaper off. All the time accusing him of being a stinky boy. When I got the diaper off, there was no poo. I changed him regardless and then told my husband that what he thought was poo was just farts. Then, mysteriously, I'd end up holding Mateo while my husband was running around doing as he pleased.

Then it happened again. And then again. And then I finally wised up. I realized that when my husband said, "Uh oh. I think he went poo," that meant, "Um, I'm kinda tired of holding him and sitting on the couch. I want to do other things. You take him now and I'll hold him later on tonight, like way later on."

Tonight my husband was holding him and he said that Mateo went poo. I didn't believe him, but took him anyway. Turns out he did go poo. But I already informed my husband I figured out what his evil plot was when he tells me Mateo pooed and that he was going to have to come up with something else to pass Mateo onto me.

I, myself, am starting to wise up, and I run away when he does take him and hold him, just so I can get a few minutes alone to myself without having to worry about Mateo and his needs. I mean, I do it all day and all night, pretty much, I'm allowed, aren't I? Five minutes?

Clean kitchen

To my husband, it seems, a really clean kitchen equals true love. (Mine, as you may remember was him going out and buying me size 11 wide shoes for my big, fat feet.) He came home last night and was pleasantly surprised with a clean kitchen -- dishes put away and new dishes washed, no weird bits in the kitchen sink, garbage taken out (although I'm not sure he's even realized that part yet), etc.. He said, "Wow! Thanks for the clean kitchen!"

As I've mentioned a bazillion times before, I'm way, way WAY pregnant, and there is no way my body could handle cleaning the kitchen at this point. My back can't take holding up all my weight. Plus, I've had numb hands (except my pinkies - when I lose them, I lose my life -- how will I dial the phone?) for a couple of months now, so trying to do anything is quite the task and I usually drop things or hurt myself. So there was no way I could have done that. But what was funny was that my husband actually thought I did clean the kitchen. Like I have that in me. Somewhere, maybe, just maybe, I've been storing all this extra energy and flexibility and stamina.

So when he said what he said, I just smirked and said, "yeah, well." Cause I really can't lie, but I didn't want to immediately tell him I didn't clean it and that my mom did. I figured something would make it clear to him.

But I'll tell you, last night was the first night my husband was actually relaxed. And he actually sat on the couch with me all night (except for the up and down, up and down of his recording CDs project) and didn't get all freaky about messes.

Later on when he opened the silverware drawer, that was when he realized I didn't clean the kitchen. My mom had put the silverware away differently, and I didn't feel like fixing it, so I let it remain as it was.

"Did your mom clean the kitchen???" he asked me.

I just looked at him. I never really said anything, but he knew the answer. He then did the usual, "I was going to clean it tonight, she didn't need to do that, I'll thank her tomorrow," business. He didn't get mad either. Which was amazing.

I told him that she gave him a free night. He actually got to sit around with his lovely wife, unborn son and two beautiful cats, so he could just relax.

Clean kitchen = true love. Too bad I didn't do it.

Real love is.....

When your husband will go to Payless Shoesource after work, go to the women's size 11 shoe selection (which has to be small, right?), and pick out new shoes for his wife because she can no longer get her size 10s on her fat, Fred Flintstone feet.

And no, it doesn't end there. He also buys her some male socks because she can no longer get her regular-sized women's socks on her feet either.

That's real love.

Shopping

How is it that I married a man who takes longer to make a decision on his sock purchase than the average person does for a car purchase?

Why does Kohls not provide chairs for people to sit in?

How is it that at the time of choosing, $12 for a footed onesie outfit that looks like a baseball uniform and says "Heartbreaker" across it like a baseball team's name seemed like an okay purchase because I was getting 15% off of the $12 price, but when I walked outside and was looking at the receipt, I was in complete shock that either one of us were okay with spending that much money for one item when we were in the baby department? I mean, I must be losing it because I really didn't remember the price or that I was fine with it, and then when we were outside I was rather annoyed with the whole purchase. Of course, my husband, who knew I was getting perturbed by the length of time it was taking him to pick out socks, kept saying, "you said you wanted it!" so I wouldn't blame it on him. I'm sure I did. But I've got massive baby brain and can't remember much of anything anymore.

Xmas gifts

My husband wrapped my xmas gifts last night, after I went to bed. Our kitchen table, since I can no longer sit at it comfortably, has turned into gift wrapping central. Today I walked by it and noticed a Macys bag sitting amongst the wrapping stuff.

"So you went to Macys, huh?"

"Whhhaat?" my husband said.

"There is a Macys bag on the table."

"Oh. I just found that."

Uh huh.

Husbands

My husband and I got on the elevator at work today. We were proceeded by a 3o-ish guy, dressed nicely but had an overall annoying air about him. Another girl got on the elevator, a girl whom he knew, and he started saying all this pompous stuff about how after working 10 years at their company, she too can take time off during the holidays, and oh, she'll get to leave early next week, he just bets. It was all rather annoying, cocky and just plain blah.

They got off the elevator and as soon as the doors closed I said to my husband, "And I could be married to a guy like that."

He gave me a look like he didn't know if he wanted to kill me or commiserate with me.

"What I mean is, is that I could have met a guy like him when I was younger, married him, and he acts like that at work -- just annoying."

We got to our floor, and I walked off the elevator first. As I headed to the door, I heard a loud burp emit from behind me. I turned around and said, "But instead I married you. And you keep it real."

He smiled and said, "That's true, I keeps it real!"

Xmas

I'm very big and very tired these days, so instead of trying to be sneaky, I decided to make my life easy last night. I had already planned to buy my husband gift cards for iTunes, but I knew from this point on, I wouldn't be going to any store alone or walking to the Apple store near work, and I know I could have bought them online and had them mailed, but I just don't have the will to even do that.

So there we were at Safeway last night, and I told him to grab two of the iTunes gift cards. He asked who they were for, and I said, "Who do you think???"

He mentioned two of our friends, and I said, "NOOOOOO."

He looked confused while I had a 'come on, now' look on my face.

"They're for the very spoiled person I live with!!" I said.

"Buuuttt--- you said you bought my gift and it was 130 dollars....and...and...," he said.

"Don't worry about it," I told him.

I then gave him some story about how his gift was always being delayed, so I cancelled it cause I didn't want to play the "is it coming before xmas or not game."

What I found very interesting is that his whole attitude completely changed from that point on. He was suddenly very chipper and peppy. I did inform him that he can't have his gift cards until xmas, and that he needed to pretend he never saw anything.

Xmas shopping

Our last xmas shopping trip was to Kohls yesterday, and it mysteriously turned into a fancy pants clothes shopping trip for my husband. Did I know of this plan? No. It was a sneak attack. He all of a sudden needed new dress pants, belt and shirt for our office's xmas party (oh, excuse me, Year End Event), that I probably won't even be going to because I can't really get dressed up right now unless I can turn a garbage bag into something spectacular to wear and tissue boxes into shoes.

So there I was, huge and uncomfortable and suddenly very tired, following my husband around the Kohls men's department while he shopped. Kohls doesn't believe in giving the old, tired, wounded or pregnant people chairs to sit in, so I had to lean against displays while mentally telling my husband to hurry up. A lady gave me some sympathy, which I greatly appreciated, and then we were off to the dressing rooms for him to try on his fancy clothes.

At some point I just gave up and went into the dressing room with him so I could sit down. Which actually turns out to work better for us because I can comment on his clothing choices as he puts stuff on instead of waiting for minutes and minutes until he comes out to show me.

I'm still wondering who he's getting all fancy pants dressed up for since I'll probably be at home.